Grey regions and vaccum

I defended my Ph. D. thesis on the 2nd of June. One of my friends who attended the proceedings remarked, "You took the announcement of the degree quite calmly. You didn't seem to be overwhelmed and did not cry and all. Why?" I honestly did not know how to respond to his rather strange yet familiar question. I had imagined the situation several times in my head and every time, the scene had tears and melodrama. But in reality, when the announcement was made, I was calm and blank. I did not smile much as well. The feelings were similar when I had submitted my thesis three years ago. I knew and experienced the feeling of great moments which arrive and go quietly, without much ado. I also remember feeling the same while getting married. In fact, the excitement of the Ph. D. defense was a few degrees more than the wedding. 

I often try to understand the philosophy of getting excited and jumpy but I am unable to grasp it entirely. I do get excited, perhaps when the radio plays my favourite number or perhaps when Chennai Super Kings win a match. Sometimes, very rarely, suprises make me sqeal with delight. I don't much like surprises! Shopping for silver makes me happy and excited as well. But bigger moments like death, earning an accolade and such sink in gradually and smoothly. They fail to create any furore or waves. They stay and allow me to savour the whole episode in sparks when I least expect them. For example, when I switch the desktop and see a file titled, "Ph. D," on the screen, I pause and ponder about the journey and then when I shift to Facebook, the feeling evaporates. Then, when I talk to someone and suddenly they call me Dr, I savour the word. It passes. I move on. Then again while I least expect, the wave hits only to leave me in a short while. These joys are strange. You know that they rightly belong to you and that it has been earned by you but still you refuse to allow the victory to make you completely ecstatic.

A vaccum fills me as I will no longer unleash stories of how my Ph. D. viva-voce exam has not happened after three long years. Boy, I am a Dr now! (Smiles).

Cheers, dear reader. Raise a toast for me.

Image 1: Internet

Image 2: Internet

LaBels limit me but save time!

Sometimes for want of a better word and saving time and energy, we resort to already existing labels. In the process of using a particular label frequently, we deny ourselves the opportunity to think beyond that particular word. Conveniently we slot people, objects, places and other things. Therefore it requires a feminist to point out and condemn labels that define women, are sexist. If not for them, we could not have realized that we are slotting women into a particular category.

Just take a look around you and you find that there are labels for almost everything. It is these labels that slowly make way for prejudices and stereotypes. Spaces have to be either urban or rural/country side. But most of the times we use labels just because we can’t think of any other word. Most of the times, these labels are also historical and sociological. Things are simplified for historians and sociologists if groups of people are slotted into a particular label.

In academics, one can observe this trait predominantly. If an individual gets slotted into a particular label, then that one remains with him/her throughout the career span. Even if the individual has changed loyalties and prescribes to another, the tag is sure to follow. It is therefore quite difficult to remain in the academic circle and not be labelled. These labels can sometimes be the area of an individual’s research. For example, if someone is passionate about the theory of post colonialism, then he/she is labeled a poco (short form for postcolonialist). Unwittingly, one gets pulled into the vortex of labels.

Labels can be limiting and suffocating. I am trying to think an alternate to this. I cannot seem to find any. Perhaps, you could suggest something. I would like to read what you have to say on this. 

Image: Internet

Why the word ‘simple’ baffles me everytime I hear it

Usually while describing a learned professor, the word which is oft used is ‘simple.’ Sentences like, “He is quite brilliant but very simple,” is something which I hear quite a bit. What exactly does this word mean? Simple, I see, is used in different contexts. For example, “Today I have cooked a simple meal,” “My thoughts are always simple,” “They are very rich, but quite simple,” She has a way of dressing very simple;” I am a simple person with not many ambitions.” Mind boggling, isn’t it? This word has almost seeped into many contexts.

In the context of food, it could mean a preparation without many spices and that which requires less cooking time; in academics, it could mean that in spite of having qualifications which run up to two lines, the individual is not proud; in terms of societal standing, it could mean that in spite of having abundance of wealth, the people live lives devoid of pomp and glory. Well, . . . I have even read blog posts which begin with, “Today’s post is a simple one.” 

Now I have a problem with this usage. Take this context, for example:  if a woman has no wealth, but tries to act rich by the way she dresses and talks, she is spurned by many but if people who are rich don’t display their wealth, they are called ‘simple.’ How does one digest that? Does simplicity reveal itself only through the exterior? Just because one does not dress extravagantly or uses less spice, does the individual/object become simple? It has to be something more that, I reckon.

By using the word ‘simple,’ does one categorise people, food, film, character, etc.? Can one word be used to signify different traits? Are we lazy to exploit the other words in the English language and therefore use a single word to describe heterogeneous contexts? 

My professor always says: “There are no synonyms in any language. Every word has its own context and cannot be replaced by another.” I think he is right. What do you think?

Image: Internet

Easy in the head but in reality . . . don't ask

Have you ever noticed how easily one can rise the pitch of our voices in the head but in reality it is absolutely next to impossible. Many a times, I have to admit that I have been naive enough to get the notion that if it is easy in the head, it can be done easily. And boy, how wrong was I! I imagine singing perfectly well in soprano while in reality I am an alto. In my head, I reach the high pitch without any strain and voila, in reality, I completely mess it all up. I am and will be an alto, I reckon.

This happens even with a picture of how the food will appear before it is cooked. I try to imagine a taste and appearance based on my head's preconceived notion but in reality the taste will be way different from what I had thought it would be. Probably, I guess this is the main reason that few studies conducted on romantic relationships, some months ago, proved. Women (maybe men too) imagine that their love life will be exactly like those shown on romantic movies but find that reality is a different ball-game altogether.

While it is easy to imagine and arrive at a picture perfect recipe/tune or any such thing, the real comes as a surprise. But I learnt my lesson quite some time ago and so I don't much trust my head's picture. I have to see it and then think: I am not so bad, after all. 

So, does your mind also give you tantalising pictures that sometimes are different from the real?

Image: Internet

Amazed by words over and over

Recently after a talk by an eminent personality, my Professor commented: A fine example of logorrhea. My ears stood up on hearing this absolutely new word which rhymed with diarrhoea. The word is quite novel to me, even my computer's word document fails to recognise it (It thinks I have confused the spelling of gonorrhea).

The meaning can be roughly translated as a diarrhoea of words. Well, the word means excessive use of words and diarrhoea is excessive (you know what).

.

Words marvel me and I can ceased to be amazed by them.

Logorrhea, anyone?

Image: Internet

The boredom syndrome

"I'm bugged with work."

"Facebook is boring"

"T. V. is boring"

"Studying is boring."

"Bathing is boring."

"The day was boring."

My mother always says, "These days everyone is bored with something or the other. I was/am never bored. There was always something to do or think. But these days, though people complain that there is no sufficient time, they still get bored. Quite strange."

The lines uttered by my mother made me think and observe my vocabulary closely. Sometimes even when there is enough work to do, I randomly proclaim: "I am bored." This line is not uttered by me alone but many others who just say "I am bored." While I have never heard such utterances from my grandfather, uncles, aunts and mother, it is quite common to hear them from people in the present day world.

Why do people get bored? Are they genuinely bored or are they just exclaiming the words? While I tend to utter it for situations like valuing examination papers and the like, some choose to add the word 'boring' to almost every single act. Sometimes even life gets boring for people. Now, if life gets boring, what is the best solution? Change life or better still, die? Well, even that has a solution, according to self-help books.

I think the word 'boring' has replaced many other expressions. Being tired, overworked and the like is replaced by the boring syndrome. What has caused this change, I wonder? Is it the worthlessness of today's lifestyle or the plenitude that has caused saturation?

Well, for some blogging has become boring and so has reading posts.

What do you have to say about this sudden shift where everything has become boring?

Image: Internet

Under the radar at all times

Being a teacher is lovely. No doubts. But being a teacher entails responsibility. Now I would like to see responsibility in two ways. One, where the individual is by default responsible and two, where the individual has to be consciously reponsible. But then one cannot always be categorised strictly into either one of the categories as there are moments and times when an individual slips between categories. Isn't everything in life like that? Well, that is why this post is so titled.

Every word and deed of a teacher become quote-worthy material. This post can also be seen as an extension of an earlier one titled, The perils of being a teacher of English. Sometimes I have to be quite wary of my words and examples as I am aware that I am being watched intently. The ability to switch from one role to another comes quite easily to a woman (Statistics say so, it's not me) but occasionally it does become a tad tedious. When among friends, I let lose my guard but then I suddenly realise that my students are around. Changing from a teacher to a friend and again a teacher requires immense acumen. I'm sure you will agree with me. Even the role of parents are quite similar. But parents have only one or two kids in comparison to the teacher who has to be aware of her/himself when in the presence of many kids.

My language, both verbal and non-verbal and style, when with students becomes different when in a formal classroom. Though I don't think of myself as a conventional teacher, there are times when one has to be taken seriously. As I write this post, I wonder what my students will think of this piece of writing? Are they aware that their teacher is not a teacher alone. Some eager students (whose enthusiasm for the subject is absolutely admirable) accost you while taking a break and suddenly the bliss of reverie stops mid-way and reality (as a teacher) cloaks one's personality.

It's wonderful to know that students admire and look upto you. On many a gloomy day, my visage is brightened as I enter into a class full of eager (and not so eager) faces. But in spite of all that, I feel that I am under a radar at all times.

Professional hazards, anyone? Some hazards are just an outcome of excessive thinking and analysing.

A companion piece to this post: Corinne Rodrigues' Do You Follow The 'Rules'?

Image: Internet

Conversing in the dark

Have you ever had soulful conversations in the dark?

When a friend or cousin comes over to your place and you find yourself wanting to share so many aspects of your life to him/her, you forget that it is time for sleep. Often personal and intimate conversations, for me, happen at night. The darkness is some sort of intoxication which loosens and makes me talk non-stop. I have observed this trait with many people of both sexes. Once there is the shroud of darkness where one can hear only the voice and not see the expression on the face, dark secrets are easier to spill.

I often wonder about conversing in the dark. Why do people feel so comfortable talking in the dark? The individual knows the person sitting beside is a confidant and can be trusted with anything. But still darkness is something which acts as a wonderful catalyst for speaking of the innermost thoughts and feelings.

And while this soulful conversation takes place, one can observe patterns on the wall made by the tiny light orifices. If any vehicle passes outside, the shadow of the objects outside make patterns on the wall. If these patterns interrupt our conversation, we are more than happy to watch the moving figures.

I might have had innumerable such conversations in the dark with friends, parents, relatives, colleagues and students. No matter what the topics were, it flowed seamlessly. Shame, guilt and other strings were cut lose. Sometimes tears which would flow involuntarily were masked by the darkness (ofcourse if the sniffles are absent).

Finally, we never know when we fall asleep. Sleep comes unawares and the next morning leaves us with a feeling of camaraderie -- a process where each other drank freely out of the cup of mistakes, pain, love, laughter and guilt.

I love those conversations in the dark.

Have you had such 'dark' conversations?

Image: Internet

From periphery to the centre

For a long time now, this poem has been sitting in my blog's side-bar. I was amused by the poet's ability to present a serious topic in such a lighter vein. Read the poem and tell me what you think:

A FEW WORDS ON THE SOUL

BY WISLAWA SZYMBORSKA

We have a soul at times.

No one’s got it non-stop,

for keeps.

Day after day,

year after year

may pass without it.

Sometimes

it will settle for awhile

only in childhood’s fears and raptures.

Sometimes only in astonishment

that we are old.

It rarely lends a hand

in uphill tasks,

like moving furniture,

or lifting luggage,

or going miles in shoes that pinch.

It usually steps out

whenever meat needs chopping

or forms have to be filled.

For every thousand conversations

it participates in one,

if even that,

since it prefers silence.

Just when our body goes from ache to pain,

it slips off-duty.

It’s picky:

it doesn't like seeing us in crowds,

our hustling for a dubious advantage

and creaky machinations make it sick.

Joy and sorrow

aren't two different feelings for it.

It attends us

only when the two are joined.

We can count on it

when we’re sure of nothing

and curious about everything.

Among the material objects

it favors clocks with pendulums

and mirrors, which keep on working

even when no one is looking.

It won’t say where it comes from

or when it’s taking off again,

though it’s clearly expecting such questions.

We need it

but apparently

it needs us

for some reason too.

~ Translated from the Polish by Stainslaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh

Image: Internet

A strong woman, she is!

What makes an individual strong? Well, I'm not talking of physical strength but emotional and mental. I often wonder at the usage of the word 'strong.' Often checking on the background of the individual, I realise that one is strong if:

1. he/she has been through failed relationships
2. deaths in in the family
3. extreme financial loss and coping through it
4. unsound emotional health at home caused by either parents, siblings or extended family

If the above reasons have been part of an individual's life and he/she has managed to stay sane inspite of all that, then the person is labeled as 'strong.' Now if a person has not been through the conditions mentioned above, then is that person not strong enough. We love to admire people who are 'strong.' I don't know why but the word has been abused over time. The tag 'strong,' though is highly motivating and encouraging, it creates a certain standard by which one is pigeon-holed. Every bout of failing constantly echoes the line: 'You are a strong woman.' Sometimes this creates a feeling of fear of failing. Just because a person is labeled strong, it becomes imperative that the person keeps up to the standard of being 'strong' always.

But the label does wonders to the self-esteem as well. On many a days when the spirit is down, lines like, 'You are a strong woman/man' and 'I know that you are quite strong to handle that' is always uplifting. But an overdose of motivating words can sometimes work on a reverse gear.

Another meandering as I start on with another year. Do you also think this way, sometimes?

Image: Internet

Imagining you . . .

This is a post I began months ago but did not return to it as I was not so inclined at that point of time. But now after much deliberation, I've decided to jot it down.

For many months now, I have been writing and receiving comments, which gives me joy and makes me reflect. As I read the comments, some make me smile, some think, some delight . . . I just can't stop thinking as to how my readers will respond as they read my posts. Now let me explain, I can imagine some of you sipping coffee and reading posts . . . gently placing the cup down and writing a comment . . . and again sipping the coffee. It gives me immense pleasure to imagine you sitting miles away (sometimes you might be closer to me in geography) and doing whatever you have been doing, and stopping to see your dashboard. Maybe your room is spacious and your computer beside a window. Or maybe your room is small and known as 'computer room.' I have thought of this over and over.

But there have also been times when I cannot savour the posts of my favourite bloggers due to lack of time. At those times, I try not to give in to temptation and  just race through the post for the sake of reading. If I cannot relish the post, I refrain from reading it as well. How we construct our own patterns and thoughts while performing a task, is always a wonder to me. Sometimes the tasks we do are very similar but by doing it in our own way, we lend it our signature.

A few months ago, imagining my readers was my favourite night-time activity, before sleep wrapped me up in her arms and gently led me away. Some of your faces I do not know but that does not stop my imagination. I know your names and so I think of a form and a blank face. The mind is simply amazing. It can contrive anything and colour it brilliantly. Now, I can go on and on about this strange meandering.

At the same time, I would like to know at what time do you like to post and read posts. What is the expression on your face while reading posts? Do you smile? Do you mumble and say, "Wow! That could have been me writing . . ." Do you imagine me as I imagine you?

Image courtesy: Internet

Someone told me . . .

Off late, it has been quite hectic this side which does not allow me to post periodically inspite of bursting ideas and reflections. The meanderings go on but the posts remain elusive.

Observing people and wondering about them often proves quite engaging. I especially amaze at the different phrases that are dropped well-meaningly but unassumingly. The use of the phrase: 'Someone told me' or 'I heard someone telling . . .' has become quite common that it is sprinkled rather liberally in conversations. At that particular time it seems quite insignificant but that phrase is still carried over twice and thrice by individuals who again say: 'Someone told me . . ..' How often we just carry forward rumours and as such on and on.

I honestly believe that the art of conversation has many strategies but the most abused, according to me is passing on information without verification. I know that it is absolutely harmless on our part when we pass on something which we have heard as a second-hand information. But it would do no harm to verify our sources and then carry it on.

My students, especially, excel in this art. They always tell me something and when I interrogate them further, I get sheepish smiles and blank looks. It was then that I realised that even adults are prone to this behaviour. Most of the times these phrases might be the clever concoction of the speaker who wants to pass off something but does not want to be associated with it. Maybe it is a device to appear clever albeit till the conversation ends and a few minutes thereafter.

Well, whatever the motive, dropping phrases and attributing that to someone is not as smart. Or maybe it is smart!

Hmmmmm, so did someone say that conversation is an art and one can have the liberty of saying anything? What do you think?

Image courtesy: Internet

Sometimes I like to use the language of smiles rather than words

Well, there are so many words spoken at any given minute that sometimes words seem a burden. I know that words are indispensable but sometimes, not too often, sometimes, I would rather seek refuge in smiles. Come to think of it, a smile can convey so many different things.

How was the food?
A lovely smile

The point is conveyed. The food tasted delicious!

Had a good time?
A tired smile

One had a good time indeed to the point of exhaustion!

After a great session of working out
A content smile

How often I have wondered about the language of smiles. How would the world look like if the only language we used was that of smiling and conveying our thoughts. Not possible for every thing but aren't most of our thoughts an outcome of exaggerated imagination.

Smiling also saves a lot of energy. All one has to do is smile! No thinking of using the appropriate words. No bothering about diction/pronunciation/phonetics and other trappings. The anthropologists would not worry about dying languages. Well, I can go on and on.

Sometimes words fail me but that does not mean I can do without words. But I am glad that I can atleast substitute words with smiles sometimes.

As I sign off, a big smile to you from me. And don't forget to give a smile to someone who does not have one.

So, what do you think of smiles?

How can I forget? My dear friend Myrna's post prompted me to write this one on Smiles.

Image: Internet

I am a lyricist

Sometimes a tune is so beautiful that one can't help but trying to sing that song with our own lyrics. This is a trait mostly seen in kids who just invent their own words to a song they don't know very well. But somehow I don't seem to outgrow that trait. And this can be quite embarrassing at times. But I can't be blamed you see as the lyrics I invent fit in so very well.

Sometimes the singer's voice is not quite clear and the lyrics are misheard. But it so happens with me that I don't mishear the song but think that what I sing is THE right one. Finally one day I get to hear the song and then I realise my mistake. But whatever said and done, the original lyrics never replace my old lyrics.

I thought this problem was unique to me (as I always do) but there are many like me:

* When Bob Dylan first met The Beatles, he told John Lennon he liked that song of theirs where they sing, ‘I get high, I get high’. Lennon embarrassingly pointed out the line was: “I can’t hide, I can’t hide.”

* This song is one of the most misheard songs out there. "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix. The lyric is:
 

“Scuse me, while I kiss the sky.”
It is often heard as:
“Scuse me, while I kiss this guy.”
“Excuse me, while I zip my fly.”
Or
“Excuse me, while I eat this pie.”

* This is a 1970s song that was often misheard by a lot of different people. The song is "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedance Clearwater Revival. The lyric is:
 

“There’s a bad moon on the rise."
It is often heard as:
“There’s a bathroom on the right.”
“There’s a baboon on the right.”
“There’s a fat man on your wife.”
“There’s a bad move on the right.”
Or
“There’s a bathroom on the rise.” 

Well, I told you I was not the only one out there who hears wrong lyrics.

And I know for sure that there are many of you who are also budding lyricists. Right?

Misheard lyrics courtesy: Internet

Image courtesy: Internet

Working hard to reverse stereotypes

Once upon a time, not so long ago, we were fighting stereotypes and tags attached to a specific gender or group. But now that is gradually becoming passe. Now, we have left stereotypes and are working pretty hard to reverse stereotypes.

Branding a woman with specific colours, chores, views and jobs, though still exist are giving way to something else. People, these days try to defy what is stereotyped about them and work hard to present a 'different' view. Now this is not something 'bad' or 'uncalled for.' But the very idea of defying stereotypes is slowly becoming a compulsive obsession. For example, the colour 'pink' is always seen as a woman's colour. But despite the fact that some women love the colour, they opt for other colours which do not essentially carry the 'feminine' tag! In the process, one is trying to consciously reverse stereotypes.

It is remarkable that in many issues, stereotypes are gradually melting. But I wonder whether going against stereotypes leads one to consciously avoid certain things that one loves and wishes to adhere to. If a woman feels good about getting manicures and pedicures, it does not point to the fact that she is very feminine and loves to pamper herself. Even if she loves to pamper herself, why not. Is it a stereotype that women who admit that they love the beauty parlours are vain and overtly feminine. No. A man may pamper himself by discussing about politics passionately but does that limit politics to men alone? No.

When I look around, I see many women who say: "I don't much like the colour pink, you know. They call it a feminine colour but I prefer black." I have often felt like asking: "Do you like black because it is not a feminine colour or because you genuinely like it?" This is but one example. There are many all around us if we care to look.

These days men try pretty hard to assist women in chores around the house. Why? Of course they care but they are also aware of the stereotype that is merged with their sex: Men don't involve with the chores around the house. Again a case of trying hard.

Well, as much as I am against stereotyping, I am also in chagrin of trying hard to go against stereotyping. On second thoughts, maybe trying hard to break stereotypes will help in complete wiping out the old stereotypes before the new ones come searching. A case of standing between the devil and the deep blue sea!!!

Image courtesy: Internet

The great colonisers: 'Cool' and 'Sexy'

Z: Hello there, your skirt is sexy!

S: Cool!!!

Another conversation:

G: Isn't this author cool?

J: Ah! His glasses look sexy too

Here are the two colonisers (among many) in words: 'Sexy' and 'Cool.' Almost many words in the dictionary are facing a sort of less-usage-syndrome as these two words have seeped into the vocabulary of many individuals.

The days of 'beautiful,' 'lovely,' and others seem a distant memory after the onset of these two words. Everything has to be either 'sexy' or 'cool.' I use them as well but consciously limit myself and try exploring the other possible words which seem oblivious these days.

But it is a wonder as to how these two words can be used in diverse contexts. They can be used in contexts of clothes, cooking, dancing, looks and styles among many other things. It's an automated response to something that looks good and appealing. An involuntary usage 'Cool man.' While search-engine Google sticks to the original usage by showing sleazy pictures while having typed 'sexy,' people choose to use it in every conversation. Probably using 'people' is a sweeping generalisation nevertheless . . .

Now it is all the more prevalent in this football season: 'Sexy goal,' 'cool shot,' etc.,

The two words ofcourse sum up many emotions and likings but then what about the other words and the 'real' meaning of these two words. What happens to the real definition of the word 'cool' and 'sexy?'

There are many words like this which colonise our conversation and make certain other words fade away except when it comes to writing. Some words are: 'stuff,' 'things,' (Can't think of too many now).

So now if you think that this post is 'cool,' why don't you write down a 'sexy' comment!!!

Gossip . . .

Only after meeting Dr. Graham McFarlane in Queen's University, Belfast, I realised that no matter how much we raise our brows when we hear the word 'gossip,' we all do it eventually. Dr. McFarlane's doctoral research was on gossip. What a nice topic to research upon!!

Everyone irrespective of age and class, gossip. Perhaps the only exceptions are children who are quite innocent to do so. Gossip is not harmful or negative; talking about a person in their absence is gossip. We do it all the time. Earlier I always associated gossip-mongers with people who have lots of time on themselves and so idle talk their time away but NO. A stray remark about someone's hairdo or harmless talk about the food-habits of X is also gossip. 

I remember as kids, we would be fascinated when my aunts and uncles would gather together after dinner and start talking about our relatives and friends. For them it was just an exchange of information (of course with their two bits to it) but technically they were gossiping.

I think the majority of the human race would be quite incomplete without their daily dosage of gossip. One must remember that gossip requires a dash of creativity and thus is prone to a bit of exaggeration. Gossip also should be distinguished from rumours and  back-biting, both which have negative connotations. 


Research reveals that gossip is healthy as it fulfills the need for talking out what is within us; Many conversations comprise of 15% gossip. But what makes talking about others interesting? I have not conducted any research but from my own experience, I can say that there is a certain amount of thrill involved while doing so. If one is talking about someone in the next room, then the whole talk is peppered with side glances to be alert if the person is approaching. And believe me, this involves a lot of multi-tasking: Soft tones, not referring to the person by name, being alert and so on.


Many social anthropologists have conducted many researches on this topic and they are quite interesting to read. One worthwhile observation is many people when charged with gossip bluntly deny the fact claiming that they are quite busy to be gossiping but incidentally the truth is something else. Every individual gossips. 


So did you hear . . .


Photo courtesy: Internet

Redundant

When meeting many new people and being fed with information, one realises that being redundant in expression is unconscious: A few involuntary standard responses from me:

Wow!!

That's amazing!!!

It's the same in India!!

Really? How interesting.

Splendid!

How lovely!!!

Hmmmm

Okay

Yes

Yes

Oh, I don't believe this!

Ah!

A rich history!

How similar!!

Wow!!

Nice!!

Wonderful!!

Bored already? I did an analysis of my expressions and arrived at this post. Another experience of a foreigner!