Friday, 17 January 2020

2020 Meanderings

2020 began with thoughts of decades, achievements and general goodwill. Social media was ablaze with the Citizenship Amendment Act and its implications - sometimes it felt as if Apocalypse was at the doorstep so much so that it did not feel like one was heralding a brand new year. It is a new decade and year nevertheless. A new year, no matter what, engages one in introspection and a sense of beginnings. If you are of the reflective kind, then the old giving way to new holds the tugs of your heart's strings and coerces you to look back and forward.

I was thankful for 2019 on a personal level while I was in trepidation about the general happenings around me and my country. While my heart was overflowing with the turn of events in my life, I was unable to savour them because my country was reeling under protests of CAA and related issues. The economy of my country worries me in spite of me not being an economist. Can one be happy about something when the country is at a loss for common sense?

But hope is a good thing and I have it flowing in abundance out of the depths of my being and as long as it is present, I could gladly look forward to 2020.

How was it for you?

May we face the coming year, 2020, with the steady serenity of a tree — that supreme lover of light, always reaching both higher and deeper, rooted in a network of kinship and ringed by a more patient view of time.
(Via Brain Pickings)

Picture Courtesy: Blogger's archive

Wednesday, 6 November 2019

Sharing and caring - The internet caring of the Walayar minor sisters' tragedy

An incident that happened in 2017 was but known only to the people in Kerala and it was passed as another incident that routinely makes to the news. This is what our news channels have done to us - number our minds to the sensitive issues and rendered us immune to the atrocities that happen to 'others.'

October-November 2019:

The Walayar minor sisters' rape and subsequent death in 2017 has been risen from the ashes when the court acquitted the suspects. The judgement left the people of Kerala and others quite sullen and angry and this disdain for the judicial system has found many creative expressions. One such is the musical tribute to the girls who were subjected to torture and pain.

The description and lyrics below are sourced from one such music video from Youtube.

രണ്ടു പെൺ കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങളെ കെട്ടിത്തൂക്കിയതിൽ മനംനൊന്തു കുറെ പെൺകുട്ടികൾ അഴക് കാട്ടി പ്രതിഷേധിച്ചു. മാനത്തു അമ്പിളിക്കലയിൽ ഒരു കയർ താഴത്തു ചെളിക്കുണ്ടിൽ ഇരപിടിയൻ ചെടിയിൽ പൂവും. (U.A. Manoj) Few children displayed their beauty to express their distress over the two young sisters who were hung. Up in the sky a rope tied t the crescent Down in the marsh the carnivorous plant has bloomed. Credits: "Walayarile Penkuttikalkku" Lyrics: U. A. Manoj Music and Orchestration: Rayson K. Alex and Joel Fernando Vocals: Rayson K. Alex Flute and Mixing: Joel Fernando Video Editing: Jitesh and Vel Kumar Art: Mangesh Concept, Visual Direction and Camera: Abraham N. James Production Controller: Reeja Rajan Thanks to Ajesh and S. Susan Deborah Some reports on this brutal incident and acquittal of the accused that is shaking Kerala:

Friday, 25 October 2019

You will always be the one I'm thinking about when somebody asks me who I'm thinking about . . .

You will always be the one I'm thinking about when somebody asks me who I'm thinking about . . .

Merrit Malloy


(from The People Who Didn't Say Goodbye)

Why is it that you wanted me more on
the night I was leaving
than you ever wanted me

Does pain bring people
closer together than

Are we more afraid of
living together than of
dying alone

Does distance unite people more deeply
than familiarity?

It is as though our hunger
is to be hungry and our real need is
to be missed

It's no accident that the songs
that sell the most
are sad 

One Of The First Things We Have To Learn

No matter how long she held on
to those people she lost
No matter how hard she tried
to get them back
Not one of them ever
returned to her

We must be careful
not to relinquish our future
to people who won't
be there

One of the first things
we have to let go of
is not being able to
let go of

I Won't Call Him

Knowing what you need
Is more than knowing what you want.

It's a kind of clear-eyed wisdom
To see what is worthless
Its touching on someone
Who you know won't turn away.
It's reaching for something
That's really worth the climb.
And it's learning to let go
When it isn't.

Knowing what you need
Is more than knowing what makes you feel good right now.
It's knowing that the same thing
Will make you feel good again.
I won't call him.

Something You Can Count On

I want to tell you
in a few words
what I could not tell you
in too many

I want you to know
that it will be hard
to live without you

You will always be the one
I'm thinking about
when somebody asks me
who I'm thinking

Monday, 15 July 2019


The word melancholy is a better word than sad, don't you think so? Sad seems to convey the state of mind but melancholia conveys the state of the being when sadness accosts the soul. The word could be used in different contexts - when one sees an airplane flying reminding of departures and people who have left, the association of deeper sadness which chokes the inner self but does not affect the visage. Today, when I behold certain photographs tagged with captions that threaten to stir your core, you experience melancholia.




Smouldering cold of the monsoon.

The bitterness of lost moments.

The tugging of heart strings.

You hear melancholy beckoning with open arms except that you want to embrace her without crushing your heart - Alas! impossible.

Are you melancholic tonight? Who or what is your companion or are you lost within yourself?

Sunday, 14 July 2019

RASPUTIN and his shenanigans

Ra Ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

Boney M

My introduction to Rasputin was through the popular pop group Boney M. I liked the ring of the tune especially, "Ra Ra Rasputin . . ." The lyrics were equally tantalising, "Lover of the Russian Queen." But then when one is in her rambunctious teens, the truth behind the lyrics is not given much thought. But the song stayed on in the mind and the Bible I used to read those days had an introduction to the books of the Bible; I think it was in a short introduction to the book of Proverbs, that I again came across the name Rasputin as an example of a misleading counselor of the Romanav dynasty. 

Those days there was no Wikipedia or Google to fall back upon and hence the curiosity remained unquenchable. Forgotten. 

Then Netflix happened and it was screening, The Last Czars and in passing I heard the name Rasputin in the trailer! Boy, was I excited! I was quite elated. And then I began watching the bloody history of Nicholas, the last monarch of Russia before Communism took over. But Rasputin, the notorious monk was the one who stole the series and of course, the history of Russia as well. He was a sensual monk given to hedonistic pleasures and loved sex, orgies and women. According to him, sex was purging oneself out of the sins and hence advocated free sex and pleasures of the body - a Russian version of Osho, if I may say! 

His spell over the royal family - the King and the Queen is notable because he comes to their palace as a healer of the only son - the heir to the dynasty who was suffering from Hemophilia, which was kept a secret from the extended family and the country since the heir could not be a sick person. 

Rasputin had charisma, style and a mesmerising quality that made women swoon over him and like it always happens, the women were the ones who made him popular. He was a monk unlike any stereotypical monk and knew how to force his way anywhere he wanted.

Alas! Along with followers, he also had several enemies and was assassinated by one of the members of the royal household, which did not come as a surprise. But he did live the grand sensual life which was the envy of many.

So, the interest kindled by Boney M came a full circle via Netflix and that was a satisfying feeling.

History, is interesting, I learned quite late in life.

Monday, 27 May 2019

Of pre-adolescent gods and demi-gods!

Growing up, I used to collect posters/pictures of actors, Aamir Khan and Madhuri Dixit obsessively. I had claimed that I liked them and had a diverse assortment of pictures (sourced and cut from popular magazines, Filmfare and Women's Era, among some) of the two which had multiple poses/expressions and clothing. Thinking of those times in the present make me seem a tad foolish because a) I had never watched any film of the two, b) I could not claim why I had liked them enough to collect many pictures and c) I was/am not a fan material. No one had the courtesy to even ask me why I had gone on a steadfast mission of collecting the pictures except my mom who believed that idolising anyone except Jesus was a crime!

Well, I collected and proclaimed my love for them. Their films were released and I did not know much about them because we did not have a TV. My only knowledge of these actors were their songs which I heard while passing by the tea-shops which blared their latest top hits and my friends who had the fortune of watching TV and creating envy in the mind of the naive little girl who believed that TV was the gift reserved for only some lucky households.

My love for stars and celebrities extended to cricketers as well - Kapil Dev! I vaguely remember the wild winning of the World Cup in 1983 - I was 3 and we had no TV but I remember maybe because of the adults (my father, uncle, neighbour) discussing the matches or my father reading aloud from the newspaper - The Times of India (when it was still worth its salt and not reduced to TOIlet!). I had also developed a fondness for Vivian Richards, the charming West Indies erstwhile captain! I had followed the lives of these celebrities who I had liked and got to know of the various dalliances - all through people who discussed them!

Today when I think back, I wonder how this all could come about - Kapil Dev had huge bunny teeth and had a horrible voice - the Palmolive ka jawab nahi! effect. Then the Television entered our lives. The enchantment with these celebrities started to wane. I started discarding the picture-cuttings of Aamir Khan and Madhuri Dixit. I had grown past the pictures and started watching their films. I liked some and disliked many but never let go of the fact that I liked Aamir Khan; Madhuri had completely worn off my mind and whenever I see Kapil Dev and Vivian Richards, I cannot stop myself from exclaiming, "I used to like them. They were my favourites."

Today, while reading The Hindu's sports column, the toothy smile of Kapil Dev and him jubliantly holding the 1983 World Cup made me travel to the time when I was a three-year old who liked Kapil Dev and wanted to meet him some day!


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