Thursday 30 April 2009

The last day of the month

The last day of every month fills me with a sense of wonder at the bygone month and subsequently the months passed by. While passing the last day of each month, I look back and think whether the bygone month has made me any better than what I was, whether it has taught me things that I have failed to unravel before, whether I am loving someone less and whether I am loving someone more without that person even having a faint notion of my love. Well, one always tends to focus on the many things that could have been or could have been avoided. My list of things that could have been avoided always exceeds the list where I think that I have been right.

Coming to the things that could have been avoided, are aspects of time, which could have been utilised carefully, phone calls which I could have done without, tears which have been wasted over hopeless things/people, thoughts which have been eating into me (I perfectly understand that I could have mastered these thoughts but then . . .), impulsive text messages which never did what they had to do, repeated conversations which never yielded what I needed, et al.

Along with these are also various lovely moments, hours, days spent with the contented feeling of warmth, fulfilment and love. Examples are again as follows: unexpected phone calls which spelt out a lovely bonding, my dance lessons which fill my being with energy and liberation, sermons in the church every Sunday which enable me to delve deeper into the truths in the word, text messages which evoke love, respect and memories, blogging for me and myself, friends who never seem to tire listening, strangers who smile with great joy et al.

Well, every month is a step forward and backword. Every month has its fair share of joy, sorrows, love, hate, bonding, detaching and many other aspects. One thing: I am glad to have had another month to my existence and as always looking forward to another month with its share of lovely things and not-so-lovely things.

Friday 24 April 2009

Getting through just one night

At the age of twelve, Milton Ericksson was a victim of polio. Ten months after he contracted the disease, he heard a doctor tell his parents: “your son won’t live through the night.”
Ericksson heard his mother crying. “Maybe she won’t suffer so much if I get through tonight,” he thought to himself. And he decided not to sleep till dawn.
In the morning he shouted out: “Hey mother! I’m still alive!”
There was so much joy in the house that from then on he resolved to resist always one more night in order to postpone his parents’ suffering.
He died in 1990 at the age of 75, leaving behind a series of important books on the enormous capacity that man has to overcome his own limitations.

- Something that inspired me from another post!!!

Saturday 18 April 2009

Loving unconditionally . . .

These last few days left me wondering about unconditional love. What is unconditional love? Does something like unconditional love exist between two mortal individuals? Love and pain are synonymns, someone told me but is it something true? Love for me always is a process of pain and more pain. Losing oneself in pain and then trying to gather those parts lost is a very very slow and doubtful process. Wonder why I use the word 'doubtful' - because one is not very sure of anything. Hope is a lovely word when one is in this context but isn't hope the other side of fear? In that is the case I shall still hope against hope forgetting the fear part completely. I am so very thankful that I have a faith where I can dislodge my mind's trappings and sojourn. I am thankful that the faith helps me in every step I take and assures me that 'All shall be well.' I am weak but yet I am made strong by the hour by the pain. When I wonder about the unconditional aspect of love, I know it exists but I am yet to see something of that sort in a mortal soul. One may think of Mother Teresa and St. Francis of Assisi - they are a class apart in spite of their own frailties, they managed something that I cannot.

I like to quote something from another blog:

“In all persons, all creatures, the Self is the innermost essence. And it is identical with Brahman: our real Self is not different from the ultimate Reality called God.”

If this be the case, then it should not be difficult for unconditional love.

I would like to give unconditional love with the condition that I would also like to receive unconditional love but then . . .

Tuesday 14 April 2009

Wondering about the nuances and intricacies of the mind . . .

Today while having a telephonic conversation with a friend made me wonder and ponder on various aspects of the mind. Well, the friend told me about a bizarre practice in Jharkand. In one of the villages, as a sacrifice, a man is tied to a cross and how - his body is held by a hook and hung on a cross. The incident sounds quite bizarre in this given day and age but to imagine that these kinds of self mutilation as a sacrifice still takes place and people doing it are many in the tribal belts of India and other parts of the world. Well, the reason for this blog is not to discuss about the sacrifice itself but the thoughts going on in the mind of the person who is subject to these rituals and practices. What would have been going on in his mind while the hook was pinned to his back. Would the pain have numbed the thoughts to the act or would he be happy to give himself as a sacrifice with the ardent hope of a better future for him as well as the community.

Parallel to this, I would also like to think of a similar incident two and a half thousand years ago. Well, what would have Jesus thought while he was being crucified. That he was guiltless and without any blemish would have crossed his mind but then he also had the responsibility of carrying the sins of the world, as the Bible tells us. But he was a man and as a man, he would have had thoughts of agony, pain and sorrow. What would have been the thoughts and emotions of the two thieves who were crucified by his side. The Bible tells us that the three had a sort of a conversation and that one thief was also convinced of his guilty life and accepted Jesus.

Pain, sorrow and agony have always been part of the human race but to alleviate that there is hope, love and joy. That is the key to our marching forward.

Friday 10 April 2009

The Kiss

A simple kiss that made history take a complete turnaround. Thats what a kiss did that day. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss is a very base statement. The kiss of Judas that day was a kiss of betrayal and greed. Well, man has used the most beautiful things of life to achieve mean and destructive things. So reader, be wary of the nice things - they may not always appear as they ought to be!!!

Reflecting on the connections . . .

Well, I am wondering about different connections that take place at a given point of time in different places with different people. While I am writing away prose filled with pain, there are certain others writing away paens of poetry filled with amorous dilly dallyings and pages of romantic indulgences washed with passion and longing. What if the writings of pain and pleasure is caused by the same person. Confusing? Well, those are the intricate connections that cease to confound me. Someone else at this particular point may be pondering about life's contradictions while at the same time there might be someone revelling at the accomplishment of composing a new piece of music just as they wanted it to be.

Life is this. While one man was being crucified on the tree, there were certain others who were casting lots for his garment. The garment was supposedly made of one seamless piece without ant stitches, history tells. But there are certain aspects that history does not tell us: that the man who was crucified was on that cross without any apparent guilt or reason. The connection I want to make here is that today we might connect many things to our glory and to our pride when apparently they don't belong to us. We are not justified having them unlike that man many many years ago who died for no apparent fault of his. Well, dying and living are two sides of the same coin.

Well, I started this piece with a particular insight but it did not move that way. The way it moved, maybe for some apparent purpose. A connection between words are always not easy to fathom when in a disjoint state of mind. Reader, the mind is the culprit. It paves way for so many imaginative connections that are sometimes very lethal for our growth. So commit your mind to the higher power so that the thoughts are constructive and lead you in a path that you need to follow.


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