Writing a love letter to me

Many times I find myself saying to myself things such as, "Come on don't feel low, things are going to be alright." Talking to myself has somehow become the usual for me. And, come to think of it, many of us find succor and comfort with ourselves. Extending that idea, I thought I would write a love letter to myself. So, here it goes:

My Dearest Susan:

It feels quite strange to be writing a letter to you. What will I say to you? You know almost everything about me. You know my patterns, routines, likes and dislikes but still I find there are some minute things that you miss in the hurried pace of reflections. Isn't it strange that reflections have become hurried these days? Well, sometimes I think you should slow down. You romanticise slowing down but I find that you hurry through everything. So much so, you even think about slowing down while you are actually hurrying. But why are you hurrying? Why so much impatience? You cannot try to fast forward everything. Please do tarry awhile.

I know that there are many thoughts that are niggling your mind but you still try to be optimistic. You are worried about many things. I'm glad that your optimism always keeps you going. Susan, never let that tiny hope die. Yesterday you were quite perturbed and I could sense that. You wouldn't tell anyone about your thoughts and you were mechanically going through the various chores of the house. This brings me to another point: work. Sometimes work enables the sorrow of the heart to be forgotten, so keep working. Have you noticed that when you sit in the same place and keep wallowing in your pain, the pain grows manifold? So, keep going.

Susan, I thought I was writing a love letter but what is this I'm writing. You know about all these things I'm talking, then why am I writing all these to you. Well, it's the flow of thoughts, I guess. When someone is in love with someone, feelings of care, nurture and thoughtfulness are bound to make an appearance.

Sometimes I see you jealous - mild forms of jealousy creep up to your bosom especially when it comes to your profession. You wonder about substandard people who have got the jobs of their dreams. You loathe them. You can't help but sneer at them. Don't do that. Just leave them alone. Your time will come. Again, let me say, don't hurry. Let life take its pace.

Among the many things that cloud your mind, blogging is also one. You are wondering about the 1st of March and how things will turn out to be. Well, you shouldn't be worrying about all that. Everything will go on. Sometimes you question the passive process of letting be. Remember that it is not a passive process. Just because you are not active (read fretting and fuming), you cannot think you are passive. Just as white cannot be the opposite of black, not hurrying does not mean that one is passive.

Susan, never stop smiling and loving. These two will always sustain and refresh you. Remember, no matter what, I will always love you.

Sealed with love and kisses,
Susan

P. S: If you liked this idea, you could attempt one in your blog as well.

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When the thought stops midway

Sometimes it so happens that a very interesting thought starts off in my mind and suddenly without any caution, the thought just goes away. But where does it go? And somehow it so happens that I forget about that thought and after a few days when I'm at the middle of something else the whole thole process of the earlier day flashes my mind. The thought seems out of context but familiar and so I leave my other thoughts and try to continue the 'out-of-context' thought. But the thought does not fit and does not continue.

What do I do with that stray thought? Flirting with that thought gives pleasure but then it is definitely out of context. But that it had a context before and not now seems puzzling to me. Like that there are many instances which I can quote. An important thought leaves me and then comes back and forces me to pay attention. Has this happened to you? Have your missing thought come back when you least expected them to come?

Now, what do I do to the thoughts that were there when the stray thought came? Should the existing thoughts be put aside for some time? Impossible.

Sometimes I think that if a thought stops midway, it is best to let it go. If thoughts are not menat for you at that precise time, it is not meant for you. But then why does it come back? The subconscious plays the devil's advocate and turns against you. It tries to kindle and coerce you into believing that nothing completely leaves you.

On some days I wonder whether it is me controlling my thoughts or vice-versa? So, how do your thoughts play truant with you?

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Sometimes I fear excessive self-referencing

When we are sure that we have a large number of years behind us, say twenty-five or thirty, it is easy to fall into the self-referencing trap unconsciously. I have seen this increasingly in people, and recently to my chagrin, even in me. I guess it is to do with the age. Maybe not. I did not realise that this was something which seems as a parade of the self until I read in a magazine; one of the women had written about how she was annoyed with one of her friends who used self-referencing for almost everything. Now, that article got me thinking. I observed that I did it almost on a regular basis that I started dreading when the word/letter 'I' started surfacing in my mind. Now I exercise caution.

I believe that excessive usage of the personal pronoun 'I' also means that one has certain amount of knowledge and experience on something which is spoken of. But not everyone is as kind to accept that experience makes one use the personal pronoun 'I.' Some of the people attribute it to an extreme case of self-conceit and pride which always points in the direction of ME. How double-edged can simple self-referencing become.

Sometimes the self-referencing could also try to used by attention seekers who somehow invariably turn the direction of any conversation to themselves. "When I did it last time, it was absolutely fine," When I tried that, I had no problems," When I visited Dubai . . ." and so on and so forth. Sometimes I loathe the attention monger who tries to refer to himself/herself all the time. Hello, there are others with experience as well.

I tried to look at self-referencing from two sides and found out that moderation is the key, in this case. Maybe my moderation would be loathsome to some and normal to certain others. All said and done, one should be aware of what comes out of the mouth, I reckon.

Now, what do you think of self-referencing?

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I bet you have felt like this

There are some quirks in us that we sometimes think are our own but it so happens that we share those quirkiness with many in the world.

Listed below are some of the thoughts that pass my mind. (Disclaimer: Though I have thought these things, I have never done them. But I would definitely want to do atleast nos., 1, 5 and 6.) Let's see if you have also thought like this.

1. The temptation to break the glass cutlery/eggs while they are in our hands. This espcially happens when I am done with washing the glass plates and then on a whim, I feel like smashing them to the ground.

2. Sometimes while being seated in a meeting, I have the urge to lift the person sitting opposite to me and throwing him/her outside the window.

3. The strong desire to eat mud when the smell of the earth overpowers just before it rains.

4. To touch the burning flame of a candle just for the sake of fun.

5. To fart loudly when in a public meeting/church/school assembly.

6. To stand up when in a meeting and then sit down just like that.

7. To pinch a baby when it's sleeping.

8. To bargain the bus fare with the ticket-issuer.

9. When my students fail to do work for more than a week, shake them violently and lift them by their neck.

Well, these are some thoughts: Some are quite mean, I know but nevertheless they pass through my mind. I am sure you also have thoughts that are not utterly sensible but one wonders, My! God! Did I actually think so. So, this is your chance to reveal the not-so-sweet side of you.

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Does wisdom really come with age?

The older, the wiser is something I have been hearing almost at every junction of my life. But do people really become wiser with age and experience. What if I ask the question: What if people don't learn from their experience even after 55 years? Why should the old saying be viewed in a general manner that is meant for every single individual.

Well, when I see some old people around me, I wonder if they are any wiser than they were about fifty years ago. The same jealousies, anger  . .  . and other agressive emotional states that they should have gotten rid of years ago. I wonder whether they can set any example of being wise and carving themselves to be individuals worth emulating. In fact, I find some young people who are worth emulating in spite of them having no "experience," as the world would want them to have. Of course, one can learn from anyone or anything and that's why I seem to disagree with the phrase, 'With age, comes wisdom.'

Placing emphasis on the old and connecting wisdom to them makes things difficult for the so called old people as well. Let's illustrate this. An old man/woman wants to be naughty and frivolous but the wisdom tag will prevent them from doing so and so they start pretending to be wise, as the adage says and hence they are not themselves (read foolish and naughty). Well, why place the burden of wisdom on individuals who don't want to live so. Well, I guess I am stretching this a bit too far.

This again brings us to the old discussion of labelling and tagging. It all boils down to that. Every single word is loaded with a trillion contexts which continue to baffle and exasperate.

Age and wisdom, don't always walk hand-in-hand. Maybe some get wiser with age and some get aged but not wise.

Well, it's for you to tell me which one holds good.

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Why do you blog about trivial things?

The title of this post is a question that is posed many times to me and I've come to a stage where I no longer choose to answer in words . . .  I smile and leave. Many friends and even my husband have posed this question to me about my blog: Why on earth do you write about trivial things? Why don't you write about academic and social issues. Blah. Why should I write about 'serious' stuff, I sometimes shoot back? Why not trivial stuff? I agree that I am a poor analyser of the political scenario in order to write a commentary on that. Poems??? I am not a poet. There are many many people who can write on one single topic in all their blog posts. I know many friends who do so but I cannot string words into verse. I love words but I cannot bring myself to compose a verse. I have tried doing so and I feel that I am not for it. Of course, I have attempted short fiction. Two posts only, titled Inside-out and Dream-stealer but that's all about it. No more.

My friend says, "You can write academic posts!" But for whom do I write "academic" posts? All my readers are not academicians. Well, if I do want to write an "academic" post, I would write the same in a peer-reviewed journal. Why do I need a blog space for that? How about Indo-Pakistan political issues, asks another dear friend. Well, well, who am I to sound off on that? I am aware of some of the issues that involve India and Pakistan but I guess those issues are familiar to any average paper-reading person. And, why should everyone be interested in Indo-Pak issues. I avoid blog posts which dissect politics, stock-markets and cricket.

My penchant lies in talking about everyday stuff that normally goes unnoticed and unspoken. My audience is not limited to any one set of people, I think. Academicians, passionate cricket junkies and even a twelfth grader can relate to the things I say. Does that mean I write for an audience. Let me be honest. When I started, I had no clue about audience or traffic but now I am aware. I know that if I post this, x and y will respond. I write what I like but at the back of my mind, I also know that these kind of people will relate to what I am saying. Take for example the post on fart. It has no divide based on caste, colour, gender, language and race. Everyone farts. Some do it silently, some loud. Some accept it as normal and some cringe at the thought of doing it in public. No matter what, everyone farts. Right? Trivial things make everyday life. Political issues don't make life. They may be for some souls but not me.

So I write to glorify the trivial in my everyday life and the topics I write about are common to everyone. Period.

Well, has anyone questioned the subject of your blog/s? How do you defend your writing? And, finally, what thoughts do you have on the contents in my blog space.

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