Thursday 3 February 2011

Conversing in the dark

Have you ever had soulful conversations in the dark?

When a friend or cousin comes over to your place and you find yourself wanting to share so many aspects of your life to him/her, you forget that it is time for sleep. Often personal and intimate conversations, for me, happen at night. The darkness is some sort of intoxication which loosens and makes me talk non-stop. I have observed this trait with many people of both sexes. Once there is the shroud of darkness where one can hear only the voice and not see the expression on the face, dark secrets are easier to spill.

I often wonder about conversing in the dark. Why do people feel so comfortable talking in the dark? The individual knows the person sitting beside is a confidant and can be trusted with anything. But still darkness is something which acts as a wonderful catalyst for speaking of the innermost thoughts and feelings.

And while this soulful conversation takes place, one can observe patterns on the wall made by the tiny light orifices. If any vehicle passes outside, the shadow of the objects outside make patterns on the wall. If these patterns interrupt our conversation, we are more than happy to watch the moving figures.

I might have had innumerable such conversations in the dark with friends, parents, relatives, colleagues and students. No matter what the topics were, it flowed seamlessly. Shame, guilt and other strings were cut lose. Sometimes tears which would flow involuntarily were masked by the darkness (ofcourse if the sniffles are absent).

Finally, we never know when we fall asleep. Sleep comes unawares and the next morning leaves us with a feeling of camaraderie -- a process where each other drank freely out of the cup of mistakes, pain, love, laughter and guilt.

I love those conversations in the dark.

Have you had such 'dark' conversations?

Image: Internet


  1. The last dark conversation I remember was sitting on a porch at night with a friend, discussing dreams. We sat in rockers and listened to the waves crashing on the shore while discussing what we wanted out of life. We talked of dreams that we hoped would come true some day. I remember mine well, all of which came true at last. So yeah, dark conversations have indeed made a difference in my life.

  2. I have not had a dark conversation in a long time. My dear ones live elsewhere. But I have made up for it by having my dark conversations in the shower!

  3. Some of my favorite conversations have taken place on the roof top of my building over looking NYC skyline. There is something magical that happens under the cloak of darkness. Beautiful post :xoxox


  4. Oh yes. I know so well what you mean! I believe there are things that are said best in the dark. It's more gentle and embracing somehow. I've thought about this before too. It's almost like we are more open, more our true selves when the light isn't there to distract others and ourselves from the physical aspect.

    This is so beautifully written Susan Deborah.

    I wish you many more lovely conversations in the dark. Have a good day today!

  5. Yes.. yes.. and yes! Recently I was watching a movie (on laptop) with a friend and for few minutes the lights went off. And we sat there chatting in the dark. Surprisingly whatever we talked in those few minutes.. is etched in my memory forever. It made me feel more connect to her.

    Strange ways our mind works.

    PS: My recent post is about conversations too :)

  6. When I met with Z ..I sat silent...the shame the guilt overwhelming....eventually i asked the the lights e turned out...the darkness.. where the shame and the guilt were set free...yes, conversations in the dark...Thank you..As always...XOXOXO

  7. This took me back to my childhood. My Mom used to enjoy sitting outside in our backyard at night, after the day's work had been accomplished. We would sit and listen to the night sounds, look at the stars and just talk. No television or radio to distract, just simple sharing. Simple times like that are not so prevalent these days, and it isn't as easy to even see the stars for the city lights surrounding us. My evening conversations have morphed slightly, but they are still quite significant when they happen.

    Meet your own new follower on your blog, Susan! I will return. Well met, my friend. :)



  8. sadly am not a night birdie - night falls and i feel sleepy :(
    tho have a few fond memories of some overnight conversations with my then-bf and now-husband, with friend over trips and pyajama parties and monopoly with my room mate sin LA!

  9. You are so right, maybe it is because darkness instigates tranquility and stillness.
    I recall conversation with my sister, when we still shared a room, before we fell asleep. Sometime my mom would pass the door and shout for us to finally stop talking and go to sleep.;) But we were only kids then.
    The intimate conversation with a partner in bed, after the lights are out, are of a completely different nature. They are candid and meant for the couple only and thus create a environment where one feels secure and relaxed. It is easy to be honest and open and as frank as one would never dare to be in the daylight.
    Always wonderful reading dear Susan,

  10. Susan, I know that I can always come here and leave with something to spend my day thinking about. You have really got it with this one. Maybe it is that we are relaxed, the day is done and the mind is ready to let go. Interesting and true. Of course, for me, that is when the wine comes out. I dare not get in front of a keyboard then...who knows what I would write. I do find that I enjoy writing in the stillness of the night...the thoughts run more feely :)

    Great post...Susan, as always.

    Jeanne xxx

  11. oh yeah i definiely resonate with this...perhaps its the perceived covering of darkness that allows us enough comfort to drop our own defenses....

  12. It happens almost daily with me(ofcourse in our hostel). Sometimes, it feels like it is the right time for all the discussions. It neednot be talking to someone, I many a times talk to myself. For a girl like me, being the only child to my parents, its very common. I am used to talking to myself (unknowingly), whenever I am alone and no one is beside me. So, its nice to talk you see...

  13. I as well, find it so much easier to say what's on my mind with the cover of darkness. Frequently, my husband and I will talk in the darkness up until the early hours of morning, without even realizing how late it has gotten. Uninterrupted by children and/or father, just the two of us. Always a cherished moment:)

  14. Once there is the shroud of darkness where one can hear only the voice and not see the expression on the face, dark secrets are easier to spill.

    This can also be a possible reason why internet chatting is so popular.

  15. I still have many dark chats now a student. We sit around someone's bedroom with the lights off and just lay back and talk about anything we want to. usually with a bar of chocolate or 2 being passed around! because you can't actually see each other's faces it gives you a sense of anonimity - you feel free to say things you might not when face to face with someone, even a good friend.
    It's kinda like that thing I remember at school where you all lay on your backs in a circle and close your eyes and describe how you feel, or what you are thinking etc.
    maybe it's a bit like contributing to a blog!

  16. Conversations in the dark to me means swapping ghost stories. :) Did that a lot in my childhood when we had sleepovers.

  17. we feel comfortable reflecting with eyes closed...may be thats y we pray with eyes closed
    Yea I used to have it, when sharing a bed with cousins during vacations!! It was all about boyish stuffs

  18. Debra:

    Welcome to the meanderings. Thanks for the insight and the follow. It is highly appreciated. Discussing dreams in the dark is a wonderful experience. The darkness lends its own mysteriousness to the dreams which are equally mystifying and mysterious.


    In the shower? You take showers without lights? It must be great. Hope you don't slip in the dark.

  19. Jessica:

    Welcome Blogplicity, mate. Gald to see you here. NYC skyline would have lent an ethereal quality to teh conversations. Lucky you! Thanks for your kind words. Do come by when you find the time.


    Thanks for the kind words, Colleen. You bring a smile to my face. I take turns in wishing you many such wonderful conversations in the dark with your beloved and your children.

  20. Sameera:

    Those conversations in the dark are laced with magic. Somehow even confrontations in teh dark take a unique turn. I shall soon swing by to your place. Thanks for being my faithful follower, dear Sameera. Your presence here is invaluable.


    What lovely memories you shared with us. Glad that this post made you feel nostalgic and good. xoxoxo

  21. Dawn:

    Welcome here and glad that you visited. Thanks for the lovely insights and the follow. It is highly appreciated. I like the word "simple" which you have used twice in the comment. Those conversations are indeed simple and lovely when we think back. Awaiting your visits and your mindful insights.

    Joy always :)


    One does not have to be a night bird for these conversations. They just happen when someone is with you as you are falling asleep.

  22. Zuzana:

    The intimate conversation with a partner after the lights are switched off is something which is extraordinarily lovely. It gives a sense of being the only two in the whole world. Night becomes a source of confidence and security. It is almost as if the night has become a potent character which helps in easy flow of conversation.
    Thanks for your ever kind words, dear Zuzana. It is very invaluable to me.


    How nice to see you here! Joy and more joy! The thoughts and words run more freely, yes and with wine, don't even ask . . .

    Happy to have you here, dear Jeanne.

  23. Brian:

    Absolutely :)


    You have raised this conversations at night to a different level. While I am talking of 'real' conversations, you have taken it to the level where one talks to oneself. Well, . . .

  24. Mary:

    How nice to read your insights :) Welcome to the meanderings, dear Mary. Joy to have you here. I am glad that you see the conversations at night as cherished moments. You resonate well with my thoughts, I see.


    The internet is a completely different medium where conversations are between real people but there are many things absent like touch, smell, feel, etc. But I do agree that internet chatting is quite popular.

  25. Jessica:

    Glad to hear of your experience, Jessica. It is soothing to talk at night under the shroud of darkness. Hoping to see more of ye here. Joy always :)


    Ghost stories are an indispensible part of conversations at night. The more spookier, the better.

  26. John:

    I can imagine when you say "boyish stuff."
    Grinning and winking.

  27. Night is probably when our body and mind is in a more relaxed state. When we can open our hearts and talk to our heart's content or spill out our darkest secrets. And like you said, in the cover of darkness, we perhaps become more comfortable because there's no eye-to-eye contact, just the words between us, and no other distractions!

  28. You really know what subject to bring up dear Susan. Never before had I realized what you say is so true... I haven't had so many conversations in the darkness, but it's exactly as you say... I love conversations at night, whether dark or not... especially because of the silence and calm it comes with it..


  29. What an interesting thought. Yes, I think conversations in darkness intensify intimacy. I still love the pillow talk between me and my husband.

    Nice post, Deborah. You always bring up good topics.

  30. Dulce:

    Someday if everything is well, I would like to have a conversation with you in the dark with a glass of wine. I shall start thinking of it right away.


    I am glad for those lovely pillow talks between you and your better half, dear Myrna. What a joy to see you, Myrna. Hope you are well rested and relaxed now.

    Take care :)

  31. RGB:

    You have hit the nail on the head. Words are all that we have during conversations at night. A lot id left to the imagination.

    Thanks for coming by, dear RGB.

  32. I've had many such conversations Susan...and I too wonder what it is about the dark...does it in a sense make us anonymous, or allow us to hide the pain on our face sometimes....I think most of my 'dark' conversations have left me feeling this way: “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” (George Eliot)

  33. Corinne:

    Thanks for coming by. Loved the quote by Eliot. She has perfectly described the art of conversation with a trusted and worthy friend. If those conversations happen in the dark, the trust value seems double and joyful.

    Have a lovely week ahead, dear Corinne.

  34. I have specially during college days. Reminded me of the college days and the night outs we used to have

  35. Priya:

    At every pointo of our lives, we have conversations as these. Lost in the darkness with stars and secrets.

    Thanks for coming by :)



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