Several times when I react to a particular situation, I think: "Thats not ME." These "Thats not me" situations seem to be niggling me at least once a day. I would like to use this post as a 'digging deeper' process. Now why does this happen? I guess there is a real me - personality, characteristics, etc and I respond/react in such a way that my self usually is but then I imagine myself to be something else and take that image to be the real one unless certain situations jolt me out of that self-realisation.
Sometimes the projection of myself in my mind is that of a calm and composed person. Well. Then a circumstance occurs where I am required to be calm instead of becoming restless. Me, the being responds absolutely in a different manner. I rant and rave and after the first round think: "Wait, was that me? But I am supposed to be calm and collected." There bursts the bubble of the 'calm and composed me.' Thats not all. This happens many times. I analyse myself and find many dualisms that exist within me. Dualisms are quite different from projections of the self but then they are conflicts nevertheless.
I guess its time that I cease to have a projection of me and accept the real me. But will that happen? I know its a process. That will save a lot of trouble for my being which never seems to be satiated with what it is.
Along similar lines:
Arriving at a definition of 'Normal'
Dualisms suffocate me
Happens all the time with me Susan.
ReplyDeleteBeing calm is the ideal self in the face of any kind of disturbing circumstances. It is like our journey towards Nirvana from anger to calmness (a state of restraint, where in spite of the temper, I can present a composed self) Coming from a hot head like me, who flares up at anything n everything, the heat brings a lot of unpleasantness with it. But I feel that wanting to be calm and patient is my real self and urs too. Just that some ppl and situations are so gross that one is jolted out of that calmness...
Have a gr8 weekend Sus
Ashes
This is not only in the case of anger but everything. I think I am 'progressive' but then when the actual situation comes, it just vanishes and I respond differently.
ReplyDeleteGreat weekend to you too, dear Ashes.