Five seconds don't mean much

How long does it take to assess a person? I have read that in five seconds an impression is made. I cannot agree and neither do I agree with the cliched saying, 'First impression is the first impression.' Today I was introduced to someone while going for a walk. As soon as the first introductions were made, I could see the lady scrutinising me from top to bottom. I could sense that she was ass . . . essing me. I felt rather uncomfortable. Could she have gauged me just by looking at me. Did she sense that I was a corny blogger or for that matter that I didn't choose to bathe today?! Maybe not. What did she read of me when she looked at me from top to bottom. At that precise moment when she looked at me, I also judged her or rather ass . . . essed her. We were both doing the same things but I would like to be partial with my observation because it was the observation of an observation.

Often we are not open-minded enough to be compassionate and non-judgmental while meeting someone for the first time. Perhaps there is this notion that the other person might be judgmental of us and why not take the first step by judging them harshly and showing that through our facial expression. By experience and a bit of prudence, I have come to realise that first impressions don't mean much. A tough exterior can mask an insecure interior or a seemingly calm exterior might be vicious within. The phrase, 'Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle' runs and reruns in mind when I find myself trying to judge a person in the first five seconds of meeting someone. Something related to this is falling in love at first sight. While I can possibly extend my general speculation to love, I will not venture that side because I have strongly felt attractions in the first five seconds of meeting someone. Well, can attraction be equivalent to judging, I don't know. Some things are mysterious and cannot be ascertained but I guess scientists have tried cracking the mystery of love at first sight and maybe they are right.

I think first meetings pave way for opening one's world to someone who is different, unacquainted and new from our world. After subsequent meetings, we can decide whether we want to stay or leave but that first time should be an open-minded one, I reckon.

Just because I write this, it doesn't mean that I'm open-minded. I am learning to rein my force of habit and trying to be open to the possibilities of a first meeting which could probably lead to some strong bonds and conversations.

What do you think of this preoccupation with first impressions?

Image 1: Internet
Image 2: Internet

That suffering is a virtue . . .

For a while now, I'm trying to trace patterns that exist in many aspects of the society we live in. One of them is the exaltation of supreme sacrifice and suffering. From the local vegetable vendor to the grand soaps on the telly seem to sending messages that often praise suffering and the need for it in an individual's life. Come to talk of it, I've sensed certain relatives' face falling (albeit not visibly but me being me can pick these unconscious emotions that involuntarily get displayed on one's visage) when they hear the response that "All is well." I wonder why. Perhaps it is the notion that something amiss might happen if one seems to be happy and fulfilled colours the minds of many individuals. I tend to think that being sad and unhappy is but an easy way to live life than be happy and content.

Some time ago, I cannot remember when, I happened to read an article which mentioned that it takes a great deal of beans to be happy and content. The bottom-line - being unhappy is something very easy for the human race. The article baffled me. I always had assumed the opposite:- That being happy is the most natural state of being. I was wrong. After reading that article, I wanted to do the difficult - Being happy in spite of the difficulties that seemed to drown me and boy! it wasn't easy with all those whiners and groaners  around me. I tried and it didn't seem that difficult. But there was a catch: It was swimming against the tide of people who hailed suffering and sadness. That suffering is for a while before the sun comes up is completely lost on some people.

Now, what is the suffering that I speak of? No, I'm not talking about the suffering after the loss of a beloved one or the suffering caused by depression. I'm talking about the daily activities that can be taken in our stride without causing much flutter and ado. I heard an elderly aunt advising her niece - "You should suffer in life, only then you will be happy" and what exactly does this suffering mean - it means doing a lot of work for the entire family in spite of being able to afford a domestic. Well, hard work and sleepless nights are translated as something that will earn brownie points in the latter part of life but isn't it a bit cruel to assume that one has to suffer in order to be happy later.

I have taken a decision that whenever possible, I will choose to be happy. Maybe it is a tall order when one is surrounded by people who seem to think otherwise but still I attempt to preserve my well-being.

My words did not keep pace with my thoughts in this post which would've led to a rambling of sorts. I hope that you pardon me and tell me about the roles of suffering and happiness in your cultural background.

Image: Internet

Non-working non-teacher and happy

For those who do not know: I am not teaching this semester which technically also means that I am not working (in a regular job which pays at the end of every month).

The reason: My Ph. D. degree is long due and I am yet to defend my thesis and get a degree. In this post, I will refrain bad-mouthing my University and get to the crux of this post - My status as a non-teacher and a non-working individual.

For the most part of my life I have always been either a student or more recently, a teacher. I have enjoyed being on either side and hence had something seemingly purposeful to say when asked, What do you do? Of late, I have to explain in more than one sentence as to what I am doing. Sometimes, I just respond by saying, I am a Ph. D scholar. Period. The queries don't stop there. They continue like constant dripping on a rainy day: You were working, na? What happened? Don't you have a job now? So, you are sitting at home idle? Well, it is true that I had been working and that I had a job but that does not mean that I am idle! On sunny days, I take it in my stride and nonchalantly brush off the queries and patiently reply: I am writing research papers and also working on a couple of other academic things but on not-so-sunny days, I refuse to answer and simply try to cut off the conversation. Simply put, I am tired of explaining to all and sundry my status of being a non-teaching and non-working woman.

While some are pleasant and chirpy: One needs a break or Being at home is good or Take this as an effective 'me' time, others quip in, No personal money now or Aren't you bored? Well, all of the above is proved right at some point but sometimes it's just a bit repetitive to hear the same words over and over. Translation of being a non-working individual is idleness and prolonged sadness. I see that there is a general belief among most of the people (I know) that being at home is endless pain and misery. The joy of having time to oneself, sleeping and waking at will, prolonged time in the bath, extensive reading is practically unnoticed by people. The fact that not working equals to not having money is a very crude way of looking at employment.

Even today morning, my close relative called up and asked me, What work do you do, anyway? I realise that I cannot blame people and their views and beliefs. Their world-view is limited and narrow. On my part, I should strive to not take things personally and brush them aside and do what I am doing: Being happy and controlling time!

So, what have you to say about the non-working status? Isn't it fun and joyous (even though for a limited period)?

Image: Internet

Early risers and compulsive slogs

I do enjoy waking up early before the sun comes up to a quiet and chirpy morning. But alas! I cannot do it every morning or let's say most of the mornings. Well, I can if I want to but I just let myself sleep. I don't much try to make rising early a priority. But, I have seen that early risers always manage to get those Wow! glances and smiles of admiration. Nearly always. When someone rises early and breaks into a run and works out, there is a sense of awe over that individual. It almost seems that people who don't rise early are marginalised and seen as lazy. Every family lauds an early riser and those individuals are always set as shining examples of how life should be lived. Remember the saying: Early to bed and early to rise makes you healthy, wealthy and wise. But don't we all have our own body rhythms and cycles?!?

Now the same applies for those individuals who slog and slog, no matter how tired they are. Now it seems that these sloggers like to slog not because they are wired that way but because certain others are not wired that way. Do you get what I mean. Those who slog endlessly don't know what it means to spend a few minutes without doing something. They abhor idleness and also people who seem to be idle. And almost by default everyone who slogs is an early riser!!!

The world always favours the early risers and compulsive slogs or so it seems. Those who slog always find something to do and are seldom seen taking an afternoon siesta or prolonging a meal. I reckon that the slogging starts off in a very harmless manner and over a period of time becomes an identity. Compliments like, "G is always busy; K always finds something to do; O is never idle" lead the person who slogs to persevere slogging more enthusiastically. Don't they ever relish in just being rather than doing? Sadly, many women are the ones who get into this slogging mode and finally a day comes when they cannot manage and off they snap. But do they have a choice? And sadly, women are also the early risers.

Though I started this post to complain against the unfair means of judging people by the time they rise and the amount of work they do, I went off on a tangent. Well, I forgot to mention chronobiology but then I remember that I had written a post on that a long time ago.

So, are you a proud early riser who flaunts your sleeping habits or are you a poor morning person who sometimes wakes up early? Maybe you slog as well ;)

Image: Internet

Good stereotypes and bad stereotypes

We who think and act are aware that stereotypes exist in this world and that for almost everything there are stereotypes. But on further observation, I reckon that there are good and bad stereotypes. It is the so called 'bad' or 'negative' stereotypes that we should be wary of. Sometimes even the positive ones might land us into trouble.

Now what are the good or positive stereotypes? When we say that a people of certain community cook delicious food, we positively stereotype that community. We assume that every member of that community cook great food. But taking for granted that everyone in that community has to cook well is taking the assumption too far. You get what I mean? Sometimes it so happens that when we ask a member of that community to cook and that individual knows no cooking, then the stereotyping turns into shades of gray. In one film, I think, Freedom Writers, a teacher asks a young Afro-American girl to narrate her 'black experience.' But that girl hasn't experienced anything like that and is at a loss to explain what was asked. Here, the teacher takes it for granted that since the girl is coloured, she will be able to explain the 'black experience.' The girl is offended. Look what stereotypes could do! Now this is an example of a negative-positive stereotype.

Matters associated with beauty, art and specific techniques commonly classify under good stereotypes while certain peculiar habits, and their ilk are examples of bad stereotypes. What I understand is that stereotypes, either good or bad should be used in moderation. Sometimes even the good stereotyping can turn out to be premeditation of a particular person or community. Hence, I reckon that it is always best to restrain our preconceived notions about anything and anyone, otherwise we will lose the element of being surprised.

My dear readers, I know that you are wise enough not to stereotype, so please tell me what did you think about this post.

Image: Internet

Tell me

It has been a long time since I thought of this question to ask you. Let me ask you now.

WHAT IS THE BEST COMPLIMENT THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED?

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Wondering about names for the nth time

Do you know the famous poet, activist and diplomat Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto? Chances are that you might not know him. The name does not ring a bell. Do you know Pablo Neruda? Well, ofcourse. Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto was Pablo Neruda. The name was chosen Pablo (since it was a simple name and also belonged to Picasso) and Neruda (after the famous Czech writer Jan Neruda). Well, Pablo Neruda chose his own name!

Long time ago when I was growing up and  also around the time  I was revelling in my teens, names were carefully chosen by parents. Apart from the whole identity cliches, there are also other tags that have become synonymous with names. The names were believed to carve out destinies and mould an individual. If parents wanted their children to have leadership qualities, the chose names such as Alexander or Napoleon and if they wanted their children to become scientists, names such as Issac/Kepler or Radhakrishnan were chosen. There was a belief that the names will determine the character of the individual in concern. There were small bits of stories attached to names. Almost everyone knew the meanings behind their names and thus were able to rattle off name-histories without batting an eyelid. And above all people loved listening to personal histories behind names.

But sadly, or perhaps for the better, the whole concept of name-history is slowly being wiped off. Gen-X is not quite aware of the meaning of their names. Some of the names sound quite bizarre and almost downright incredulous (like the one in the image). The question: "Your name sounds nice, what does it mean?" draws blank looks as if I had asked them something completely stupid or senseless. Well, I might be a bit of a romantic when I talk of the past and the attitudes of the past but you must agree with me that name-histories are quite interesting.

Well, reader are you happy with your name or have you chosen to change it like Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto did? Do you know the meaning/history behind your name?

Image: Internet

Other NAME posts by me:

1. Dropping names and playing wise

2. Pausing to hear your stories

3. Mumbo jumbo of changing names

4. Roommate

5. Mamma calls me Joe

6. The big hype over retaining the maiden name or taking the husband's name after marriage