Birthday reflections and ruminations

When I was a dreamy teenager, 30 used to be a big number, that was still far far away. Imagination and things around led me to believe that at 30 one had a home, bubbly children plus a car and a fantastic husband! Well, I couldn't have blamed my teenage fanciful mind! And what did I wish for - the same aforementioned things. I was not one of those teenagers who had dreams to have a high-flying career or to explore an untrodden path - all I knew and wished was for a happy family complete with a dog and car! I didn't see beyond the usual. I wasn't even exposed to anything else.

And, today, standing at 34, I realise that life has so much to offer. A family and a dog are also happiness factors but there are other things that one can aspire for. I blame it on education. I was all sane and meek, but engaging minds and wise teachers shook my aspirations and beliefs. I can't be more thankful to them today. My paths slowly started walking in a slightly different trajectory. I learnt that there are other uncharted paths that are more interesting and adventurous and I chose to get lost. I am happy that those paths showed me sights and thoughts that were challenging and offbeat. I explored ideas that were safely hidden from me and was able to flirt with things that were hitherto unaccustomed to my small mind.

I learnt to lose myself in books and tread along the lines of the character in the tomes I read and loved. Thinking with the author, my mind opened to different worldviews. I was weaned out of prejudice, gender fixations, mainstream hogwash and media's appropriation of the mind. Education liberates and forces oneself to leave the comfort zone and walk out and that is what precisely happened to me. Inspite of that, there are some issues which I have not come to terms with!


I am also thankful and grateful to the wonderful virtual and offline friends that Providence enabled me to meet. They have enriched and educated me in ways that I cannot imagine. I have also realised that friends are friends, offline or online - They affect me the same way and teach me important lessons which I otherwise could be deprived of. And along the journey, I have come to know that each age has its own charm and inspite of growing old, I grow richer and bolder in experience.

Here's raising a toast to 34!

Thanks for the company, dear reader. I cherish and treasure you and the lessons that you have willingly imparted.

Image 1, 2 and 3: Internet

Spotting grey and spouting philosophy!

It is interesting to observe the various emotional dilly-dalliances after the first grey is spotted. Thanks to the increased rate of pollution, exposure to the harsh rays of the sun coupled with a lot of tampering of food products, the greys appear at mid-twenties and early thirties much to our chagrin while the generation of our parents and grandparents dodged them quite efficiently until their early fifties or so. I spotted mine couple of years ago, say two or three years ago one sunny morning when my sister was playing with my lose tresses when she exclaimed, “Oh! Vella mudi! (Oh! Grey hair!) Me being the philosophical and academic tried not to make much ado about the grey spoke in muted tones, “Maybe the sun is shining a little too brightly!” but my sister being the sharp-witted one she is, did not give up. Right there, she plucked out the strand and gave it in my hand. I had to believe it then.

It is interesting to observe the responses or rather reactions to the first grey – The thought of growing old first comes to the mind, followed by the aesthetic aspect – denial of growing older and then the pseudo-dismissal that age is after all a number. No matter how much one philosophies about age being just a number, the fact that that number is steadily increasing never leaves the mind.

No matter what King Solomon wrote in the Proverbs about grey hair being a crown of splendour, the fact remains that one can never completely come to terms with the first few greys. King Solomon made the grave mistake of not adding a number when he mentioned “grey.” He was a wise man after all and he would have foreseen that the average life-span would decrease by and by and hence they greys would appear at any given time. But while reading the Proverbs, grey always meant anything grand (read grandfather, grandmother, granduncle and so on) but when the same grey is spotted on my crown, it is anything but grand.

Speaking of grand and grey, I realize that in no matter of time the appearance of greys will become quite a familiar phenomenon. The greys appear; I pluck them out and smile smugly at the thought of having defeated age. I know that the victory will be short-lived but I am like King Bruce who tried and tried to defeat the defeat before the defeat defeats you!

Recollecting that I am the same person who vociferously stated in her passionate feminist College days that “I don’t know why people colour their hair. After all grey hair signifies wisdom” makes me cringe with a sense of having judged people at the prime of my dark hair days. Even now you cannot spot the greys until you hunt for them but I write this post as a remainder for the coming days of wisdom and age and of course plenty of greys.

So, wise readers of this blog, tell me what you think of these shades of grey ;)

Image 1: shutterstock.com

Image 2: Internet

Love -- The Great Leveller

This post is a sort of reply to the crass comments, pictures and posts that flooded the social networking sites before and after the wedding of the famous Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor. Well, I don't care much about celebrities marrying or giving birth to children but the various posts, comments and pictures before and after their wedding prompted me to write this post.

For the ones who are in the dark, this is Mr. Khan's second wedding and there is an age-gap of about ten years between the couple. Many enlightened souls post pictures where Kareena is congratulating Saif on his  first wedding and he responding with a "Thank-you Beta" (beta is child in Hindi). This was quite insensitive as  it pokes fun on the wide age gap between the two. I ask, "So what?" When people can accept that Harrison Ford has married someone who is at least twenty-seven years younger than him, it is difficult to accept that Saif has married someone who is just ten years younger than him. Perhaps, Ford being a Western actor escapes the crude comments and remarks unlike Saif and Kareena who dwell on home turf! Well, don't people know that love is completely oblivious of age and other such meaningless things?

I happened to read a post two days ago, which is supposed to be a humourous take on the couple's wedding but to me it came across as very insensitive and unrefined. I am refraining to provide a link to the post as I don't think it's worthwhile to do so. The writer will not mind me providing a link to that post, but I do mind.

I can quote a dozen celebrities who have wide age gaps between them. I also came across comments on Facebook which admonished Saif for leaving his first wife. But what is your problem, I ask? I know that divorce is still a taboo in India but that does not make all divorcees 'bad.' The personal lives of celebrities have become knitted along with the non-celebrities' lives and hence as a community we become the moral police of their lives. Who are we to comment on them? Okay, I agree that gossip is a juicy fruit and not many can avoid it but to the extent of posting distasteful pictures and comments. No.

In fact, Saif has done something what our parents' generation has done -- marrying someone who is much younger. My mom and dad have a thirteen year age gap! I find that strange to think as I wonder how they related to one another. My friend says that her parents have an age gap of fifteen years. They got along well and my friend's father did not call his young wife 'child' or anything like that. If men were much older than the women they married, then it belongs to a custom which is commonplace in India (and also outside India), then why such hue and cry about Saif and Kareena!

All said and done, I wish them all the best with years of joy, togetherness and contentment.

So, do you think that age and love are connected?

Image: Internet

Sometimes I wish . . .

For the first time, in my four years of blogging, I am participating in a blog event - Blog Tag . . . You're it - a blogging chain event where lovely bloggers from 28 countries around the world are writing on one topic, Sometimes I wish . . .

This post was preceded by Ron Reed, who actually blogs but has titled his blog, IF I HAD A BLOG! He is a very soulful and deep writer who leaves insightful comments whenever he visits your blog. I am glad to be succeeding him in this event.

Sometimes I wish . . .

Having been given to extreme flights of fantasy and day-dreaming, I should mention that I have sometimes wished that I could be given the power of becoming invisible when I choose to be. I could listen in during conversations and hear what moves people, what turns them on, what irritates them and what makes them live the lives they are living.

Being invisible, I would be able to traverse boundaries and mountains without the hassles of visa and money, like Dave so eloquently mentioned in his post. I would sneak into kitchens and discover the secrets behind seductive-looking recipes and steal the cellars for the oldest red wine.

I wouldn't need the trappings of clothes, make-up, bags and shoes to live a life and I would be glad to leave them unattended. 

Being invisible, I can escape without being captured by any camera which I detest and I could enter closed security doors without being detected and change the papers of policy-makers wherever necessary.

I could use the power of being invisible to bring smiles and joy to anyone who is in need of them by giving them surprises when they least expect it.

And, finally, I could sleep perched across a treetop blessed by the touch of dew or in Johnny Depp's home without being traced! What a life that would be! 

This is a wish that has sustained me during many of my vacant hours right from my childhood till date and this wish will always remain a wish. Though the acts that I could have done have changed from time to time, the desire to become invisible has always remained :)

This post will be succeeded by Suzy who blogs at Someday Somewhere. Whenever I land at her place, I start humming the song "Someday . . .," by the cheesy MLTR. Suzy who loves travelling and photographing was born in India and has spent some time in India and during that time fell in love with Bollywood and the many colours of India, some of which are showcased in her blog time to time. Stop by her place for some colour, fun and some interesting stuff from her collection of memories.

Image: Internet 

Good stereotypes and bad stereotypes

We who think and act are aware that stereotypes exist in this world and that for almost everything there are stereotypes. But on further observation, I reckon that there are good and bad stereotypes. It is the so called 'bad' or 'negative' stereotypes that we should be wary of. Sometimes even the positive ones might land us into trouble.

Now what are the good or positive stereotypes? When we say that a people of certain community cook delicious food, we positively stereotype that community. We assume that every member of that community cook great food. But taking for granted that everyone in that community has to cook well is taking the assumption too far. You get what I mean? Sometimes it so happens that when we ask a member of that community to cook and that individual knows no cooking, then the stereotyping turns into shades of gray. In one film, I think, Freedom Writers, a teacher asks a young Afro-American girl to narrate her 'black experience.' But that girl hasn't experienced anything like that and is at a loss to explain what was asked. Here, the teacher takes it for granted that since the girl is coloured, she will be able to explain the 'black experience.' The girl is offended. Look what stereotypes could do! Now this is an example of a negative-positive stereotype.

Matters associated with beauty, art and specific techniques commonly classify under good stereotypes while certain peculiar habits, and their ilk are examples of bad stereotypes. What I understand is that stereotypes, either good or bad should be used in moderation. Sometimes even the good stereotyping can turn out to be premeditation of a particular person or community. Hence, I reckon that it is always best to restrain our preconceived notions about anything and anyone, otherwise we will lose the element of being surprised.

My dear readers, I know that you are wise enough not to stereotype, so please tell me what did you think about this post.

Image: Internet

Does wisdom really come with age?

The older, the wiser is something I have been hearing almost at every junction of my life. But do people really become wiser with age and experience. What if I ask the question: What if people don't learn from their experience even after 55 years? Why should the old saying be viewed in a general manner that is meant for every single individual.

Well, when I see some old people around me, I wonder if they are any wiser than they were about fifty years ago. The same jealousies, anger  . .  . and other agressive emotional states that they should have gotten rid of years ago. I wonder whether they can set any example of being wise and carving themselves to be individuals worth emulating. In fact, I find some young people who are worth emulating in spite of them having no "experience," as the world would want them to have. Of course, one can learn from anyone or anything and that's why I seem to disagree with the phrase, 'With age, comes wisdom.'

Placing emphasis on the old and connecting wisdom to them makes things difficult for the so called old people as well. Let's illustrate this. An old man/woman wants to be naughty and frivolous but the wisdom tag will prevent them from doing so and so they start pretending to be wise, as the adage says and hence they are not themselves (read foolish and naughty). Well, why place the burden of wisdom on individuals who don't want to live so. Well, I guess I am stretching this a bit too far.

This again brings us to the old discussion of labelling and tagging. It all boils down to that. Every single word is loaded with a trillion contexts which continue to baffle and exasperate.

Age and wisdom, don't always walk hand-in-hand. Maybe some get wiser with age and some get aged but not wise.

Well, it's for you to tell me which one holds good.

Image: Internet

I almost told her but stopped . . .

Life sure gets interesting with the advance of age. But there are some temptations which one has to avoid with the progress of age. One of the temptation is giving out free advice! Off late, I observe myself in some of my students and young colleagues. My students and some young friends are prone to committing the exact mistakes which I committed years ago. The pattern is the same, the texture is the same and as I notice their pitfalls, I am so very tempted to tell them: Better don't do this! or Maybe you should think about that. But I stop myself. I learned things the hard way and no matter what my seniors told me, I did not choose to heed. I went ahead and fell down headlong and arose.

But I should admit that staying away from giving advice does not come easily to me. I somehow have to say something about "When I was of your age . . ." I know that eight out of ten individuals do not appreciate free advice but still I have to chip in my two bits. Sometimes I try very hard to stop myself. I am compassionate that way. I don't try to imitate my seniors and advice the poor victims. But as one advances in age, there is this niggling urge to offer unsolicited advice.

But don't you think that age does this to all of us. We have walked a certain number of miles and that has made us into what we are. After reaching a point, when we look back we think that we could have avoided certain things. Perhaps when we see children and adolescents about to commit the same old mistakes, it is but natural for us to try and warn them. But somehow the free advice is not always taken in the way it should be taken. Therefore, I refrain. Let life teach them.

Now, I wonder what my readers have to say on this: Age and unsolicited advice.

Image: Internet

What do you think of this

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.  

 

--Madeleine L'Engle

A winter grace

As one grows older, one should necessarily become wiser and true to the inner self, is the common belief. But sometimes this is a path which is harder to take. Being true to the inner self and having an authenticity between the expressed and the inner self is but a hard thing to do. But then it's never too hard to cultivate harmony.

Dogmas, cynicism, prejudices and other qualities as these should ideally be fading when one grows older but why does it become more prominent as age advances. When I was younger, my knowledge of certain things was limited and so I was not very judgmental as I am today. Even simple acts are tinged with sarcasm and cynicism as age adds on to the self.

Especially when I see politicians of today, I wonder what it is to age with grace. They seem to get murkier with age. I am no one to judge but these are the thoughts that keep ringing within me as I grow older. I always wanted my personality to be of a single shade coloured with joys and smiles. It does seem like that most of the time but when it does not, reality checks are shuddered.

When Jung remarked "A winter grace," he was referring to the grace and charm of the individual with the advancing years. I stand critical of myself and even want to add "A winter blight." I am not quite old but I am definitely older than say, ten years ago but I would say that the number of age has got nothing to do with the age of personality and inner character.

I find myself lacking each time I weigh the scales. I know I can try but procrastinate the goodness. And I am good at giving excuses to get on with everything.

Winter grace . . .

Image courtesy: Internet