Five seconds don't mean much

How long does it take to assess a person? I have read that in five seconds an impression is made. I cannot agree and neither do I agree with the cliched saying, 'First impression is the first impression.' Today I was introduced to someone while going for a walk. As soon as the first introductions were made, I could see the lady scrutinising me from top to bottom. I could sense that she was ass . . . essing me. I felt rather uncomfortable. Could she have gauged me just by looking at me. Did she sense that I was a corny blogger or for that matter that I didn't choose to bathe today?! Maybe not. What did she read of me when she looked at me from top to bottom. At that precise moment when she looked at me, I also judged her or rather ass . . . essed her. We were both doing the same things but I would like to be partial with my observation because it was the observation of an observation.

Often we are not open-minded enough to be compassionate and non-judgmental while meeting someone for the first time. Perhaps there is this notion that the other person might be judgmental of us and why not take the first step by judging them harshly and showing that through our facial expression. By experience and a bit of prudence, I have come to realise that first impressions don't mean much. A tough exterior can mask an insecure interior or a seemingly calm exterior might be vicious within. The phrase, 'Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle' runs and reruns in mind when I find myself trying to judge a person in the first five seconds of meeting someone. Something related to this is falling in love at first sight. While I can possibly extend my general speculation to love, I will not venture that side because I have strongly felt attractions in the first five seconds of meeting someone. Well, can attraction be equivalent to judging, I don't know. Some things are mysterious and cannot be ascertained but I guess scientists have tried cracking the mystery of love at first sight and maybe they are right.

I think first meetings pave way for opening one's world to someone who is different, unacquainted and new from our world. After subsequent meetings, we can decide whether we want to stay or leave but that first time should be an open-minded one, I reckon.

Just because I write this, it doesn't mean that I'm open-minded. I am learning to rein my force of habit and trying to be open to the possibilities of a first meeting which could probably lead to some strong bonds and conversations.

What do you think of this preoccupation with first impressions?

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There is comfort in routine

When I finally got hold of a real computer (not internet on my wee but smart phone), a thousand ideas for posts came rushing in from various crevices in my mind. I had great difficulty in taming them lest they confuse me thus leaving me with no tangible post. I realised that my earlier routine was to post atleast two to three posts per week but now I have no choice but to post either once in two weeks, or sometimes even once in three weeks. The reason: I have adjusted my routine without computer or internet and so getting ready to go out to the browsing center seems a shift in the daily routine. Of course, I have the eternal tug-of-war between the mind and the body; my mind nudges me everyday to leave home and go to the browsing parlour but I conveniently ignore my mind's nudge. The mild nudge slowly becomes a powerful sounding order to which also I turn a deaf ear. It seems unbelievable to think that life was quite different three months ago.

Inspite of welcoming change and newness, there is a certain comfort in routine. I agree that the safe zone of routine becomes stifling at some point, but still routine is something that makes me feel just fine. But this routine was a change before three months  . . . perhaps there is no routine without change! But why does everyone choose to blame routine? How long does it take to make the change into a routine? I (and many others around me) crib about the same old routine but we don't realise that this routine is a result of a change that came upon us after we decided to end a routine. The routine which is now mine was unthought of before three months and at that time if anyone mentioned, How would life be without internet? I would have said, No way. But here I am sitting smug in a routine that has made me so lazy that I refuse to leave the house to do something that I most enjoy doing! Phew! As I write this, I realise that inspite of not welcoming the change, the change came and inspite of resisting the change, I have made it my comfort zone.

Well, this hide-and-seek game of change and routine lies close to each other and it does not take long to make the change into a routine. After all, humans are adaptive to anything and no matter what the change, a routine is sure to follow. Perhaps, it is wiser to introduce change before the routine sets in but how is that plausible.

So, how goes your routine? Any changes needed!?!?

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Is compassion a natural trait of humans?

Increasingly I have been wondering whether compassion comes naturally to humans. I say this because I observe in myself and many others that compassion does not come quite easily. But we are led to believe that one ought to be a fountain of love and compassion. Though it is ideal that one should feel compassionate, most of the times it has to be coaxed. Taking an instance from my own life: If I have some free time, I would like to use it to do what I want rather than helping out someone with their studies or babysit. I would like to spend the time without doing anything but since being compassionate is the most ideal thing to do, I would force a smile and accept the given task. Notice how I say "task" and not 'favour.' I am aware that since I am free, I have time on my hands BUT I am unwilling to give up that time. Isn't that being selfish?

When I do see some people always ready to do something for others, I wonder whether it comes naturally to them or are they feigning compassion and forcing themselves to behave in a certain way because it raises their self-esteem. When I see an avalanche of quotes, sayings and messages on giving, caring and losing oneself for the cause of others, it is affirmed that these sayings are reiterating something that is becoming sparse.

Compassion, I reckon, has to be cultivated over time until finally it ceases to become forced and comes naturally. Aristotle rightly commends, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." Perhaps Aristotle's wisdom holds good for any trait be it excellence or compassion. Now I guess what I should be doing -- Cultivate compassion which is not a natural trait in me.

Well, readers, what do you think of this topic.

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P. S: Since I don't have internet at home, I am forced to forgo the pleasure of reading and commenting on your blogs. I hope this condition alters and I can resume joyfully commenting on your delightful posts. Hope you don't much mind my absence and continue to think of me when you write posts you know that I would have loved to read. You are always on my mind.

What lies JUST IN FRONT

When sloth determines our actions and words, we do the most funniest of things. And these actions are funny not to the doer but to the observer. My friend, let's call her Z, always has the habit of picking the clothes that are right in front of her, in the cupboard. She never finds it necessary to look thoroughly for other clothes that are neatly folded inside. She just picks the one that is in front of her. This could be said of undergarments too. What is arranged in the contact position of the eye is the one that is immediately picked.

I have observed this trait when men buy vegetables and fruits. When I say men, I am of course generalising. Not all men have this trait. Well, . . .. Men tend to pick the veggies that are just in front of them unlike women who dig through the basket and look for the 'good' ones.

My students!!! How can I possibly forget them. Any assignment or any essay BANG, they go to Google and pick the very first link, which ultimately happens to be the great Wikipedia. And when that 'wikipedia' essay comes to me, I promptly mark PLAGIARISM and ask them to revise the same with an original analysis.

This habit also talks of something else. The act of complacently picking what is RIGHT THERE. If only one digs deeper, there could be the possibility of getting better things. I can understand that on certain days, one is too lazy to look for better clothes hence, selecting something which is right there in front.

Similarly, when one is not too bothered to cook food, every food item that is readily available on the table is eaten, and the person in turn, gains a lot of extra calories.

So the key word is time here. Lack of time, zest and interest paves way for picking up something which is right in front. The extra step to find out if there are better options is usually overlooked.

Well, are we grabbers of what we see in front of us or are we diggers of the unseen.

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