That suffering is a virtue . . .

For a while now, I'm trying to trace patterns that exist in many aspects of the society we live in. One of them is the exaltation of supreme sacrifice and suffering. From the local vegetable vendor to the grand soaps on the telly seem to sending messages that often praise suffering and the need for it in an individual's life. Come to talk of it, I've sensed certain relatives' face falling (albeit not visibly but me being me can pick these unconscious emotions that involuntarily get displayed on one's visage) when they hear the response that "All is well." I wonder why. Perhaps it is the notion that something amiss might happen if one seems to be happy and fulfilled colours the minds of many individuals. I tend to think that being sad and unhappy is but an easy way to live life than be happy and content.

Some time ago, I cannot remember when, I happened to read an article which mentioned that it takes a great deal of beans to be happy and content. The bottom-line - being unhappy is something very easy for the human race. The article baffled me. I always had assumed the opposite:- That being happy is the most natural state of being. I was wrong. After reading that article, I wanted to do the difficult - Being happy in spite of the difficulties that seemed to drown me and boy! it wasn't easy with all those whiners and groaners  around me. I tried and it didn't seem that difficult. But there was a catch: It was swimming against the tide of people who hailed suffering and sadness. That suffering is for a while before the sun comes up is completely lost on some people.

Now, what is the suffering that I speak of? No, I'm not talking about the suffering after the loss of a beloved one or the suffering caused by depression. I'm talking about the daily activities that can be taken in our stride without causing much flutter and ado. I heard an elderly aunt advising her niece - "You should suffer in life, only then you will be happy" and what exactly does this suffering mean - it means doing a lot of work for the entire family in spite of being able to afford a domestic. Well, hard work and sleepless nights are translated as something that will earn brownie points in the latter part of life but isn't it a bit cruel to assume that one has to suffer in order to be happy later.

I have taken a decision that whenever possible, I will choose to be happy. Maybe it is a tall order when one is surrounded by people who seem to think otherwise but still I attempt to preserve my well-being.

My words did not keep pace with my thoughts in this post which would've led to a rambling of sorts. I hope that you pardon me and tell me about the roles of suffering and happiness in your cultural background.

Image: Internet

Non-working non-teacher and happy

For those who do not know: I am not teaching this semester which technically also means that I am not working (in a regular job which pays at the end of every month).

The reason: My Ph. D. degree is long due and I am yet to defend my thesis and get a degree. In this post, I will refrain bad-mouthing my University and get to the crux of this post - My status as a non-teacher and a non-working individual.

For the most part of my life I have always been either a student or more recently, a teacher. I have enjoyed being on either side and hence had something seemingly purposeful to say when asked, What do you do? Of late, I have to explain in more than one sentence as to what I am doing. Sometimes, I just respond by saying, I am a Ph. D scholar. Period. The queries don't stop there. They continue like constant dripping on a rainy day: You were working, na? What happened? Don't you have a job now? So, you are sitting at home idle? Well, it is true that I had been working and that I had a job but that does not mean that I am idle! On sunny days, I take it in my stride and nonchalantly brush off the queries and patiently reply: I am writing research papers and also working on a couple of other academic things but on not-so-sunny days, I refuse to answer and simply try to cut off the conversation. Simply put, I am tired of explaining to all and sundry my status of being a non-teaching and non-working woman.

While some are pleasant and chirpy: One needs a break or Being at home is good or Take this as an effective 'me' time, others quip in, No personal money now or Aren't you bored? Well, all of the above is proved right at some point but sometimes it's just a bit repetitive to hear the same words over and over. Translation of being a non-working individual is idleness and prolonged sadness. I see that there is a general belief among most of the people (I know) that being at home is endless pain and misery. The joy of having time to oneself, sleeping and waking at will, prolonged time in the bath, extensive reading is practically unnoticed by people. The fact that not working equals to not having money is a very crude way of looking at employment.

Even today morning, my close relative called up and asked me, What work do you do, anyway? I realise that I cannot blame people and their views and beliefs. Their world-view is limited and narrow. On my part, I should strive to not take things personally and brush them aside and do what I am doing: Being happy and controlling time!

So, what have you to say about the non-working status? Isn't it fun and joyous (even though for a limited period)?

Image: Internet

Layers and folds

Analysing
Scrutinising
Reading between lines

The common things that most women do so well. Certain traits are acquired, certain cultivated but there are those eternal ones which one is born with. Let us take the emotion of feeling pain. Even when I utter the word 'pain,' I can think of atleast three references to what caused me pain. Effortlessly it flows. No initiation. No forcing. It just flows. And how . . .

I remember whenever I am so pained that I start crying, I cry not only for the present pain but for all the pains that have passed by me. And that happens in chronological order. That's magic. How can one be coherent in pain? Well, it happens.

After the order, comes the detail. I think no one else can be a sucker for details as me. Gradually the scene unfolds (of the past pains). The dialogues. The exact words. The pain that was there then. The days of wallowing in self-pity. The end which strengthened and made me spur on.

The place and the time: Well, I tend to take it a bit further and think of the songs that reminded me of that pain.

This does not happen when I am happy. Happiness captures only the present moment. No flashbacks. No details. Probably that is why happiness is lovely to be in as it completely wraps up your senses to the present. And that's why I like to be happy happy. Sometimes one forgets that and raises tragedy to greater heights calling it the high point of emotion. Nah.

Let me leave you with a poem by Hopkins. It talks of pain.

'No worst, there is none. Pitched past pitch of grief.'

~ by Gerard Manley Hopkins

No worst, there is none. Pitched past pitch of grief,

More pangs will, schooled at forepangs, wilder wring.

Comforter, where, where is your comforting?

Mary, mother of us, where is your relief?

My cries heave, herds-long; huddle in a main, a chief

Woe, wórld-sorrow; on an áge-old anvil wince and sing —

Then lull, then leave off. Fury had shrieked 'No ling-

ering! Let me be fell: force I must be brief."'

    O the mind, mind has mountains; cliffs of fall

Frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap

May who ne'er hung there. Nor does long our small

Durance deal with that steep or deep. Here! creep,

Wretch, under a comfort serves in a whirlwind: all

Life death does end and each day dies with sleep.

Poem courtesy: Internet