Inter-state weddings and monolingual children of urban India

Language is a beautiful connector of two individuals and so is marriage but then both have their pitfalls especially if two individuals belong to different language-speaking communities. National integration is something of a national joke these days that people resort to whenever they speak of India and her remarkability to people who don't belong to India. But the scenario in India is completely different with a trillion castes and a million languages. And then, there is a boy who falls in love with a girl from a different language group and community. They say that everything is fair in love and war and yes, everything is fair until marriage happens. Even a few years after the great M, everything is fair until a child arrives and hastily juggles all the neatly arranged pieces of the jigsaw puzzle.

Yes, the child forces many unsought questions and niggles the peace of mind. What will the poor parents do? After all while courting, children were a hazy dream of delight who were in the distant horizon but in the present the bundles of delight bring with them some vital questions - What will be the language of communication if the parents belong to two different language systems? Is the mother-tongue always the tongue of the mother that the child will adapt to or a language that the child picks up without much ado? Then enters the great coloniser into the picture - ENGLISH. Well, the parents find it easier to talk to the kid in English, after all English is a global language and the language of communication so why not. Lullabys are sung in English, sweet nothings are cooed in English and eventually the child picks up only English. The rich and diverse regional tongues of the father and mother are gradually forgotten and remains as a hazy memory. But not all children/ parents are so. I don't know how they do it but they systematically see that the child learns both the languages.

As much as I like English and the nuances of this coloniser's tongue, I shudder to think of my unborn children and their tongue. What language will they speak? Will they speak my language or my husband's? Will they love their parents in the regional or in the foreign tongue. Ah, no matter what, English is still a foreign language and we aren't native speakers even if we master the language. As I write this, I also think of my own predicament. Both my parents spoke the same language but since I grew up in a place which was not my state, I can hardly write or read my own language. While in school, it gave me great pride to say that I knew only English but now I feel quite uneasy to admit that I can only speak my language and not read or write. And I even think in a foreign tongue! But today being the 21st century, it does not pose much of a problem but when I increasingly listen to only English, I wonder whether we are gradually becoming a country with a homogenous language system. We like to be seen in Starbucks, KFCs and Macs speaking a language not our own and swearing in cuss words that belong to another country.

Everything is fair in love and war, they say. I don't agree. What do you think?

Image 1: Internet
Image 2: Internet

Love Love Love

The title is a bit mawkish, I admit but I sincerely hope the content is not! Sometimes one needs to say a word twice or thrice to bring out the REAL emphasis of the word. There are times when I feel overwhelming love for my mother, sister, grandfather or friend, so it is just not enough to say what one feels in a plain sentence. And so I go: "I feel love, love, love for you" coupled with a tight hug and big smile. It just captures the mood right.

Now using one word thrice can be quite contagious. The first time I heard this was in a place I cannot remember now. The girl was cooing to her beau: "I am in love, love, love with you." He smiled. The smile said it all. And at the end of it, all I could remember was "Love Love Love."

Using the same word twice or thrice does not make a great difference but it does describe the overwhelming state of the person's heart. And the best part part is many individuals use a word twice or thrice to place greater emphasis. Take, my dear friend Nevine who says: "I have Home Home and Other Homes. Home Home is Cairo, Egypt. Other Homes are every country and city I've ever lived in... and there are many." I found that rather cute (another cliched word in today's world). Instead of explaining what we want to say in four or five formal lines, we resort to using one word twice for the emphasis.

But this usage seldom works when we need to express anger or pain. It dilutes the essence of the emotion. So finally we have a usage which should be exclusively used for happy times.

While writing this post, I took off for a few seconds and imagined saying the same for lust: "I feel lust lust lust for you with a pinch of love." Now that seemed funny but not entirely. Try saying that in a husky tone!! (Winks and smiles)

After completing this post, I am happy happy. How about you? Are you feeling jumpy jumpy today? :)

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Every family has its own language . . .

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

                          ~ In Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

The above line has always fascinated me and I wonder about Tolstoy's acumen and penchant for detail. The opening lines of Anna Karenina are quite true and today I chose to extend this small piece of wisdom into language. And believe me every family has its own wee language system it follows. I am not talking about the predominant language here but small words here and there which only its members can understand.

No matter what class or social standing a particular family has, it has a unique system or certain 'peculiar' words and sometimes even phrases which enable the members to communicate with each other. And it is like a precious heirloom which is inherited down the ages.

In our family sometimes the actual word for something is substituted by another word which has no semblance to the actual word or its meaning but nevertheless we use it. The over hearer often often finds it very funny or even amused as the words are quite stupid to hear. This sprinkling of 'stupid' words belong exclusively to the domain of a particular family. Sometimes even cousins and extended family don't have access to the meanings.

I was under the impression that only our family has words as these but I observed that almost all families have words as that. And many times, it is predominantly children who use and coin those words. Children who are very small cannot refer to anything by a long and convoluted name and so shorten it or substitute it with an easy word. This word sometimes remain for long in the family. Fathers usually don't use those words but can understand them anyway.

Special coinages for food-items, nosy relatives, expensive items, the list can go on and on. Sometimes even basic words like water or spoon can actually be code words for something else. The ability of people to coin new words which are of course within the family, is a trait which is interesting and novel. The language for these words don't matter. It can either be in the native tongue or in a mixture of three languages. This characteristic is also like pet-names which are unique to each family.

Though I cannot ask you to divulge the special words, I would like to know whether you have such 'stupid-sounding words' whose meaning only you and your family members share.

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In what language do you think?

In India this is what instructors advice to young people who want to master English: "Think in English." The demure students just nod away as if they understood the very difficult process of being able to think in a language not their own. And I must tell you that like me there are many others who have been exposed to English earlier on in life and thus even the thinking process is in English. I am not a native-speaker of the language but studying in schools whose medium was predominantly English, I never learnt my mother's tongue. I can speak Tamil and also manage to read it but thinking, it is only English. Now whether it is good or bad, I don't negotiate.

Now thinking is a process which is very personal and intricate and out of the blues when an instructor advices to change the language of thinking, it gets a bit stifling. But eager minds who could do anything to learn a language, try that as well. Now if someone asks me to think in Mandarin or Dutch, I might have to undergo a complete transformation of the mind to do so. Now I don't disagree that where there is a will, there is a way. If someone asks me to do that in gun-point, I might try.

Even when students approach me and ask me for advice to speak good English, I always (without any forethought) say: "Think in English." It is better said than done. I guess the language of thinking is something which happens in a very early age and is conditioned in a certain way. Somewhere after thinking for about sixteen years in the mother tongue, and then switching to a new thinking language is a bit difficult, not impossible, I reckon.

Researches say that one can swear only in the language of their thinking. And the word for 'mother' is another example. Despite the fact that I think only in English, I always prefer calling my mother amma, the Tamil word for mother. Strange are the ways of language and the human mind!!

This is the case with all the languages, not only English, I guess. If I may ask, what is the language in which you think. Are you happy with that.

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Injecting interjections. Wow!!!

Language is wonderful and I can never cease to be amazed by it's different forms. I've been thinking of the different words I frequently use and interjections seem to be a feature that constantly appears. And in case, you did not know what interjections were: They are words used to describe emotions. But that definition does not explain it all.

Words like 'Well!' 'Geez!' 'Voila!' and others are examples of interjections. Now, well, this is not a post on grammar. I just meant to say how by injecting interjections, we save uttering a number of words. Words like 'cool' and sexy' also can be called interjections.

Just a look at the many comments I write stand example to my heavy leaning on interjections. They all have 'well,' 'aww,' 'oh,' 'hmmm' and certain other words that express how I feel.

The words above can also be called my pet interjections. How incomplete our vocabulary will be without these lovely interjections. They of course don't receive as much importance like certain other words but how can we survive without them. I tried doing a simple exercise: Writing and speaking for two days without interjections and boy! it was not easy. Well, injecting interjections have become the norm for me. Oh! so wonderful.

Well, what are your pet interjections. Err . . .

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offering something that I enjoyed and still enjoy

This is a speech written by Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune as a column in 1987. But this was definitely made popular by Baz Luhrmann who made it into a song titled Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen in 1998. I loved and enjoyed this and everytime I go back to it, I come back with something. Hope you like the lyrics as well. 
Dedicated to all the lovely readers who stop to meander in the Meanderings.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody's free oh yeah
Everybody's free oh yeah