Melancholia

The word melancholy is a better word than sad, don't you think so? Sad seems to convey the state of mind but melancholia conveys the state of the being when sadness accosts the soul. The word could be used in different contexts - when one sees an airplane flying reminding of departures and people who have left, the association of deeper sadness which chokes the inner self but does not affect the visage. Today, when I behold certain photographs tagged with captions that threaten to stir your core, you experience melancholia.

Melancholy.

Melancholia.

Melancholic.

Smouldering cold of the monsoon.

The bitterness of lost moments.

The tugging of heart strings.

You hear melancholy beckoning with open arms except that you want to embrace her without crushing your heart - Alas! impossible.

Are you melancholic tonight? Who or what is your companion or are you lost within yourself?

The process of writing never stops . . .

These days I find myself ghost-writing in my thoughts over and over whenever I find something interesting and worth jotting down. There was a time when I had the patience, luxury and adrenaline rush to capture my thoughts in my blog but then, like everything beautiful comes to a momentary halt (with promises of renewal), I sparsely felt the need to post. I discovered that inspite of not giving a form to my thoughts in the form of posts, I mentally write within my mind. Yes, that's why I say that the process of writing never stops. It continues albeit without a palpable medium.

I realised this quite late because I was perpetually in a state of guilt and anger in equal measure when I saw that my blog is lying in a state of neglect almost like the memories of an old lover who remains within but rarely demands any attention. I knew that my blog is there, safe, still read by some (the growing statistics tell me that) and bookmarked by some others to be read in leisure. But the ache of seeing the last entry dated a month ago does not bring any consolation to my otherwise active mind. In the interim, I have been closely observing my mind! Strange as it may sound, I have stumbled upon some interesting thought processes that marginally cut down my guilt quotient. I am always writing posts within my head - not the scribbling in a worn out journal but paragraphs neatly organised with a propah introduction, middle and conclusion, like I always say to my class!

I wonder whether this happens to everyone and if so, how long do these entries stay. For me, they stay a while until the next interesting subject comes along. I am afraid my mind has not served as a container so far, only a medium - that too a virtual one. I wonder if there is a procedure to tap one exact nerve and extricate all the posts and translate them to coherent words that would show up on my blog as posts. If wishes were horses, nay blog posts, I would be one content soul happily basking in the glory of my thoughts which I know would eventually get fed on my blog!

Until the technology makes my wish happen, I will hopefully continue the process of writing, sorry ghost-writing in my mind and maybe sometimes, I would stop by my wee blog and strive to record these precious nuggets of memory.

Dear reader, what have you been doing with your thoughts, if I may probe.

FeAr.inc

Fear is something that manifests itself in different ways for various individuals. All of us, I reckon have some fear that is ever present, throbbing and threaten to rise any moment. It might be a fear of spotting a spider unawares or bad toilets or simply safety of a loved one. And, for that matter, most of it is psychological.

 

My parents-in-law have come to stay with us for a fortnight and through them we are experiencing the play of fear. They have come here from god's own country and it would not be an exaggeration if it was said that fear covers Kerala like a shroud. Open doors and windows after 7 pm make my parents-in-law quite tense. The freedom of having doors kept open even at 10: 30 pm gives them a shiver. My father-in-law especially gets restless and time-to-time asks us, "Shall I lock the door?" to which we casually mention, "No papa, it's fine." He cannot sit still and finally when we are not looking, he quickly closes the door, latches all the three locks and goes around to find other doors to close and latch. Well, my husband and I find this quite amusing but we also recognise the force of habit and the fear that is so etched in their minds. The same quality can be extended to many areas of our lives - Children fearing doing something because the parents have threatened them with dire consequences. Sometimes the fear never leaves even when the children are no longer children. Women who do not change some patterns of living long after they have divorced their abusive husband. Senior citizens who have long lived with certain ideas and routines and so on.

 

Fear is not entirely a negative emotion. Sometimes fear does help - for e. g. butterflies in the stomach before a speech or a class helps in better performance; a small fear before embarking on something big is generally positive and keeps us grounded and gives us a counter emotion to perform better and turn the fear into a motivating force.

 

But the kind of fear that has gripped my parents-in-law is not quite positive because it creates a tension of danger which is an impediment for them to feel safe and sound. The fear prevents them from enjoying the beauty of the calm night's breeze or the sighting of the moon through open windows. I still cannot blame them but hold the state of Kerala responsible for not providing the necessary policies and system to keep the place free of crime and robbery. Inspite of a police station located right in the adjacent street, my parents-in-law are scared of robbers who usually use different gimmicks to steal from houses.

 

Some fears don't go away - nor time nor god nor anything can enable a complete removal of the fear. I pray that such fears never grip us at any point of our life.

 

Dear reader, what is your fear that paralyses your living.

When twin emotions accost you back-to-back

Sometimes it so happens that two extreme emotions seize you the very same day making you wonder whether happiness or sorrow should be the signing off emotion. I find this very strange. Sometimes a friend would call up in an otherwise very happy day and give some news which would unsettle you. The news would be a harbinger of guilt as you find that rejoicing has to momentarily pause before the friend is consoled. Crossroads, I say.

Many a times I have seen friends go through this phase and so have I. After the twin news, the mind just weighs and one settles down with an emotionless state and wonders about both the different emotions which occurred back to back.

I find that when one is accosted like that, the best way is to let go of any strong feeling that might lead to heaviness; Heaviness of being happy when another friend is in a not-so-happy state of mind.

I guess exposure to media has made us immune in some way as we are faced with different kinds of news items that anger, surprise, hurt and make us happy. I wonder about kids. They seem to be so very oblivious of emotions, that they can switch over quite easily.

Reader, what is best when the situation is such that twin emotions accost you back-to-back? Just BE or sway?

Image: Internet

Love Love Love

The title is a bit mawkish, I admit but I sincerely hope the content is not! Sometimes one needs to say a word twice or thrice to bring out the REAL emphasis of the word. There are times when I feel overwhelming love for my mother, sister, grandfather or friend, so it is just not enough to say what one feels in a plain sentence. And so I go: "I feel love, love, love for you" coupled with a tight hug and big smile. It just captures the mood right.

Now using one word thrice can be quite contagious. The first time I heard this was in a place I cannot remember now. The girl was cooing to her beau: "I am in love, love, love with you." He smiled. The smile said it all. And at the end of it, all I could remember was "Love Love Love."

Using the same word twice or thrice does not make a great difference but it does describe the overwhelming state of the person's heart. And the best part part is many individuals use a word twice or thrice to place greater emphasis. Take, my dear friend Nevine who says: "I have Home Home and Other Homes. Home Home is Cairo, Egypt. Other Homes are every country and city I've ever lived in... and there are many." I found that rather cute (another cliched word in today's world). Instead of explaining what we want to say in four or five formal lines, we resort to using one word twice for the emphasis.

But this usage seldom works when we need to express anger or pain. It dilutes the essence of the emotion. So finally we have a usage which should be exclusively used for happy times.

While writing this post, I took off for a few seconds and imagined saying the same for lust: "I feel lust lust lust for you with a pinch of love." Now that seemed funny but not entirely. Try saying that in a husky tone!! (Winks and smiles)

After completing this post, I am happy happy. How about you? Are you feeling jumpy jumpy today? :)

Image courtesy: Internet