Thursday, 27 September 2012

Breaking-up in the time of social networking*

Long ago, not so long ago, when I was a teenager and going through my share of heart-breaks and tears, it was rather easy to gather the reins and spring up. Why? I never had the hassle of ever seeing the guy who caused the pain and tears. Even till date, I haven't seen those guys who broke my heart. Well, I guess things are not as easy today.

First, there is the glaring 'relationship status' followed by the unfriending process. If that is not enough, there are mutual friends, tags and the like. There are different categories of friends and each of them only knows a 'certain' aspect of you and it so happens that the guy is known to many of the many friends. I cannot imagine the queries that rise after the relationship status is changed! Okay, deactivating Facebook for a short duration seems like a plausible idea but feminist-induced thoughts like, 'Why should I leave Facebook for a guy?' starts playing repeatedly in the mindscape. If you are a blogger then you face double jeopardy.

Blogging was a suggestion that the ex-beau would have given and you took to it as fish to water and now whenever you open blogger, memories start surfacing like the boiling milk when you are not around. The first comment would have been from him and boy! the comment was so touching. One cannot delete all the comments because egged on by his encouragement, hundreds of posts have been written. Sigh!



One cannot open Facebook, Blogger and Twitter without the messages being seen. Ah, how did I forget Google+. Well, he would have shared so many feeds with you that he thought were interesting and informative and it was almost a ritual to like all the things that he shared. Ah, now doesn't that make things a bit complicated.

Then there are the ubiquitous BBM (Blackberry messenger), Androids, blah blah to unfriend and block. Gosh! I'd rather not fall in love at all!

After the unfriending and blocking rituals, there is this nagging feeling to stalk the person by trying to sneak and read his/her blogs and checking out the Facebook profile through a common friend's profile. A permanent closure is sought but the lurking temptation of keeping tab is slightly overpowering.

I guess there is one solution to this scenario: Don't include your beloved in any of your social networking sites. Keep a distance in the virtual world, after all you talk to her/him over the phone and see him/her quite often.

Well, what do you have to say on this, dear reader?

* The title is inspired by Gabriel Garcia Marquez's 1988 novel, Love in the Time of Cholera

Image: Internet

56 comments:

  1. LOL...keeping him/her out of the social networking sites is a great idea.Somehow breaking up on social sites has become an in thing nowadays :) Great article, enjoyed reading it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess restraining caution is the key. Why should we include the boyfriend/girlfriend in every thing one does. It will save a lot of questions and anxiety, I reckon.

      Delete
  2. Once the relationship is blooming, there is no way you can avoid including your 'great love' in your on-line social activities. In fact, you would willingly want him/her to be part of it.
    I think the only solution is to try and deal with the break-up situation; deleting and getting rid of things connected with that person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This attitude of including the love interest in every social connection is a phenomenon that is prevalent in the generation of today. Luchi, I guess one should have some space to oneself.

      Thanks for coming by, Luchi. You made me smile.

      Delete
  3. And then when you change your relationship status from In A Relationship to Single on facebook all of a sudden, people would comment, "What happened?" These have not happened to me, but they happened to some people I know. And the mutual friends -- my bestfriend is friends with her ex's family and some people from her and her ex's org. I like the idea of keeping the distance in the virtual world!

    Great post, Susan! I enjoyed it and it was really thought-provoking! Take care and God bless <3 :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quite spot-on Irene. Glad to know that you enjoyed this post. Happy to see you stop by :)

      Delete
  4. I have witnessed this happening to some of the people I know...the trouble of explaining, then if you fall in love again with someone else the constant comparison and the deep feeling of trying to beat the previous number of likes / comments! :D

    Superb post Susan.....showing off your relationships on the virtual world these days is truly scary!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The "constant comparison" is another aspect that creates a lot of anxiety. Maturity is the key in keeping relationships in the social networking era.

      Thanks for coming by dear Privy.

      Delete
  5. You cannot avoid your ex by either unfriending or running away from social media networks...its like lancing a pus-filled boil....pierce and let it all out and let nature take its course...running away is not an option...how long will you run and how far will you go? And as for your second suggestion about not including in your social circle..what if you met them through that very same social circle? How can you ask themselves to distance themselves once past the friend-line? wont it look petty? So bite the bullet and carry on gamely is my way of dealing with it....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doktor, it's not running away but the thought of seeing someone who has caused hurt to you is not welcome. Even if we met them through the social circle, one can keep things to oneself instead of proclaiming to the entire network about your relationship status.
      Doc, I am not against falling in love through the online medium, I am just talking about the hassles of breaking up after blasting everywhere (all online networking sites) about the relationship.

      Delete
  6. Ridiculous! Your final conclusion just assumes that you will break up with your boy friend. And what's worse, you want to create a shell where you feel less bad after the break up because, well, you're bound to break up, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you didn't get me right! My conclusion is simply that breaking-up is a tad difficult in today's 'connected' world with many social networking sites. Perhaps you should read the post again. As for a "shell where you feel less bad," -- perhaps you are reading what you want to read and not what I have written. Well, I thought my writing was pretty clear. I guess I have to pay more attention.

      Thanks.

      Delete
  7. ugh...one reason i am no longer on facebook...its hard enough in a relationship at time with just two people...without inviting the world into it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i got a wonderful letter int he mail yesterday...smiles....writing back....

      Delete
    2. I know :)

      Waiting for the postman to ring :) Smiles.

      Delete
  8. OMG Susan! You are so right. I never thought of it that way. Ain't I glad that I got married before this revolution. I've shared so much of my life and hubby is on all my profiles. I guess I would come out and post a status update so that all know. I've seen that most friends are supportive and they will be supportive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad that I was judicious enough rather than proclaiming my love to the entire online world!

      Delete
  9. Some scars never heal...
    Some people can never be completely erased from our memories!
    That is the price one pays for falling in love!
    Jo khush hain woh khush naseeb hain!
    Jo pyar main dhokha kha bethey woh akeley rotey rahe :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are talking about forgetting one's love, Mahesh and I do agree with you. The social networking sites make forgetting very difficult. Moving on is slightly difficult when one sees the former love all over the place!

      Delete
  10. agree...it would be nightmarish to break up in these times! My friend had to experience all the downs when she got recently divorced :(

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love this Susan Deborah! And it really makes me happy that my husband has absolutely no interest in being on the computer LOL. He does have a facebook account that I open for him, probably only twice a year, which he reads what's there and then closes it. He wouldn't be able to find my site if his life depended on it and would probably have to have my son bring it up. I guess I'm doing okay. Hopefully, after 18 years of marriage, I won't have to ever experience any of this. I guess I never really gave it much thought LOL. Thanks for sharing! It was a learning experience for me ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you, Mary. Glad that you liked this post and how glad I am to see you here.

      Delete
  12. Well I guess people would have to behave in a more mature way rather then unfriending , blocking and deleting them. Doesn't all that sound kiddish?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The mature way is to stay away from advertising relationship status and all that. It does sound absolutely kiddish but being kiddish is the norm of many people today, Ash.

      Delete
  13. Hello, Susan Deborah! ~

    Well, well, I came very close to this experience just a couple of weeks ago! I believe in living authentically and we can all learn from what each other is going through so I decided to be upfront with my friends & readers about my experience.

    In retrospect, mine turned out to be a 'growth phase' in my relationship instead of the 'break up' of my relationship which completely jibes with the mission of my online work, to "nudge myself and others toward more powerful versions of ourselves..." Whew ;-)

    If my mission was to "always look like I know all the answers and I don't have any challenges in my life..." then I would have been in trouble -- haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda, you are above all these things, I reckon. My post talked about some of the hassles that happen when one keeps the relationship in the limelight always. One should caution restrain and as for you, you are very wise in doing what you do. Hugs and love across ether.

      Delete
  14. True--it can stink. Not only can you be "dumped" in real life
    ;-), then you must be unfriended. Then again, who wants to be FB friends after you've broken up? What about the photos? Nothing like logging in and seeing your ex in all of your albums. Sigh--the problems of the modern world . . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, this is exactly what I was talking about, dear Pam. Sometimes the hurt of just seeing the person is enough to trigger sadness and melancholic memories.

      Delete
  15. Great advice!!! I loved the cartoon too, so funny! Yes. it seems our relationships are now viral and the only way to avoid that, is by keeping them separate. Having our relationships offline, where they should be. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quite spot on Farfalla. Keeping some things separate is the key.

      Delete
  16. The best way is to go easy on these networking cross connections.
    Apart from the fact that they eat into your space and time, it also keeps a tab on what you are doing/not doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quite right Joe. Keeping tab gets on the nerves. I have been there and done that. We bring pain on ourselves.

      Delete
  17. Oh, what a wonderful and a different thought!
    Though not networking with your beloved on social networking sites seems logical but I wonder how many would take that road, coz, when in love, you want to share everything with each other!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sharing is fine but every single thing like Facebook, Blogs, etc is a bit too much. We can talk about things in person instead of including the person in everything.

      Delete
  18. I don't get on FB too much. Maybe that's a good thing. I never even thought about all the complications you mention. But, married 42 years, I think I'm safe from worry.

    This post proves your mind is always active and coming up with interesting things to discuss.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Myrna, you are so sweet. 42 years is a great accomplishment. Congrats on that :)

      Thanks for your lovely words which always bring a smile to my face, Myrna.

      Delete
  19. hafhaaha!!! I'm dying lafing. Ur post makes me remember one of my frens who got along with a partner but later broke up. They wer nt online frens, happily they broke up.But they had mutual frens and you knw wat, m fren's ex had to leave fb. Mayb cos it was evryday a remindr 2 d luvly relationsip that didnt exist anymore... Wenevr u open ur wall or a mutal frens wall der'a a remindr 2 make u sad:(. Now dis shows dat evn if u dnt befrend ur partner on frvb, u'll hv to see wat he/she is upto..... So it's still toufer dan wat u ve mentioned.

    Marvelous post Susan!!! Am stil lafing.....:D
    Happy wriiting!

    And yes, a request - wud u mind if I publish dis post thru m blog??

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ha!! Susaaaaaaaaan :) Thats a lovely one! Absolutely agree to it and more, during break up is the act of going under covers, as is the same when they are looking for a groom for a girl - all those painstackingly taken photos go for a toss and you see the girl is profile-picture-less!! haha the FB psychology! man :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, you got that all right. One needs to be wise and think twice, I reckon.

      Delete
  21. This is such an apt post for today's love birds. It was so much easier for us to go through a breakup. Not too much pressure.

    It is harder these days with everybody connected to everybody and so many eyes peering at you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pressure is the word. Even our parents didn't know that we were going through a break-up. I think people these days don't know to smooth operate things. Everything has to be loud and big!

      Delete
  22. A very apt post for todays generation. I have seen the same situation with divorced couples too. So all in all, it is better to keep a few things private. We seriously don't need the added headaches. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome here Jyothi. Glad to see you here.

      Keeping some things to ourselves is the key. The pain of a break-up is very hurting and added to that who wants the hassles of social networking sites!

      Delete
  23. Eish! Thanks goodness I dated during another era! But wait a minute, what about married folks who face divorce?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even I am thankful, OtienoHongo. And I am so happy to see you here after a very long time.

      I guess even married folks have all these hassles. Even more than the unmarried ones.

      Delete
  24. Hahaha that was supremely hilarious! Yet you made such a relevant point!

    Sigh! With the advent of all these social networking tools life has become so complicated for a simple 'chore' like breaking-up, isnt it? ;)

    Loved this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Deeps. happy to have you join the conversation.

      We don't want any added troubles, do we?

      Delete
  25. tried comenting earlier but ur blog won't accept it. Anywayys, d post made me laf and laf.... I recall 1 f my frens who broke up and though both the partners wer on fb, they wern't frens. But I'll tel u, m fren had 2 leave fb as it was an evryday reminder about the broken relationship. Reason-they both had common frens and daily updates used to appear on d wall……… at last m fren abandoned fb. Now, can I publish ur post thru m blog, f course with ur blog link der?
    I m stil lafing!!!........:D……..
    Happy writing!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Sunny:

      Please do use this post with due acknowledgement. Any publicity is good ;)

      Thanks for trying over and over.

      Delete
  26. El amor en los tiempos de colera! That is my favorite book from my paisano Garcia Marquez.
    I like facebook, but I dislike the bulling that goes on in it. I also don't like how "personal" some people get on it. I don't want personal on facebook! I don't even have my children as friends and they might have me blocked, who knows.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, I can go on and on about Marquez. You are very lucky to share the same geographical location as him!

      There is a lot of bullying that is in the form of likes and comments. You are wise not to include your children in your friends' list but some parents think otherwise and do so to keep a tab which definitely curtails free expression.

      Delete
  27. I don't see the need to make the facebook friending and unfriending such a big deal. You know you can delete those status posts from the feed so no one sees it? I changed my status from "in a relationship" to single at an odd hour of the day when nearly no one was online and then deleted the post right away so no one would ask questions.

    It helps that myself and my significant other did not interact a lot over facebook when we were together. I play on facebook plenty but still can't imagine that being key to a relationship. However, if it was already a habit, I can only imagine the withdrawl once it stops. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rachel, not everyone is as wise and sensible as you. You definitely cautioned restrain and that has helped you. For some, it is not so. Along with the breakup, the withdrawal is also likely to cause hurt and pain.

      Thanks for coming by and adding your insights to this conversation.

      Delete
  28. Indeed a nice post! I am also from the SEO background and love to enjoy reading fresh posts on this subject. I would like to thank you for writing this post and now I am your regular reader as I have subscribed your blog in my RSS reader.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Just desire to say your article is as amazing. The clarity in your post isj ust excellent and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the rewarding work.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails