Tuesday 17 January 2012

Romanticising the term 'single mom'

After a lovely break from the routine humdrum of my usual life, I am back to blogging and reading blogs. Among the many things that surfaced from the break, one was the fruitful discussions I had with my girlfriend V. I was telling her how the tag 'single mom' is almost used like an occupation/job. One of the contestants in a popular reality show is a single mom and while every other contestant is introduced as SK, 37, Entrepreneur; RK, 26, Lawyer and so on, one contestant was introduced as WE, 29, Single mom. Now I was baffled. Why was WE introduced as a single mom and not by her profession. Is being a single mom another profession or is the media romanticing the term, single mom.

Viewing many programmes in the telly, I observe that there are many single moms who are often introduced with the term single mom. While there are single dads as well, they are never referred to as single dad. Are we as a society raising single moms to a pedestal and while we are secretly happy that we are better off, are we trying to pseudo-sympathise with the moms who are single. Why should the term even be used? Agreed that single moms are doing everything single-handedly but why choose that tag?



It is not enough that being a woman itself invites many troubles (not everywhere but atleast in India where harrassment/teasing/stereotyping/discrimination is quite rampant), the added burden of being a single mom and also romanticing it is a bit unwarranted for. But it should be noted that the single mom tag is mostly used in cases where the woman is divorced. What about women who are widowed? Even they are single moms, raising kids without a man and also bearing the brunt of bringing up children in a society which can be quite taxing on various aspects of life. And, there are men who are divorced who sometimes get the custody of children but do not carrying the tag/label of single dads. Why?

It's strange that on one hand we love to hate stereotypes but on the other, we also tend to glorify a certain gender for doing something which is not as great as it is made out to be.

I certainly wish that the term single mom is not used as a professional tag for in the world that adores equality (atleast it professes to be), the term seems quite inappropriate.

And, it would be wonderful to hear your thoughts on this.

Image: Internet

33 comments:

  1. I found that particular label was often used in a quite derogatory manner when I was raising my kids alone years ago. Single or widowed parenting is not an easy task made all the more difficult by people who chose to glorify it. Being a single parent was not, is not never will be the sum total of who I was or am. I agree with you on this, I was great in my profession, but was very rarely
    recognized for it.

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    1. Quite true, Jan. Any person should be appreciated and spoken of in terms of their profession and not marital status.

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  2. You know, the reverse is also true? I was watching Masterchef USA and one contestant was constantly referred to as 'stay-at-home dad' being his occupation because his wife was the one who was employed as a store clerk and he didn't have a job so he was staying home with the kids.

    Now if this was a woman staying at home, would someone say her occupation was 'stay-at-home mom'? No, they'd call her housewife or to sound more politically correct, homemaker. Apparently men don't qualify as homemakers even if they're the primary nurturers of children who cook and take care of the house.

    Wow, gender stereotypes sure cut both ways.

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    1. And the reality show I was mentioning was Master Chef, India! Is it that the reality shows propage this usage? Got to check.

      Lots of love, Karishma.

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  3. I know what u mean Susan..I face it all the time..

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    1. You should say more on this, dear Alpana. My mom raised us up single-handedly. She was a widow.

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  4. There is a certain stigma to being a single mom...or a divorced lady...As long as one was a contributing adult or professional what does it matter if one was divorced or a single parent!

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    1. You are quite right, dear Sav. But today this tag is seen as fashionable, I reckon.

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  5. I agree with your observations.The term is being romanticized by the media nowadays.Rather than telling one was divorced(if that were the case),the term is seen to carry lesser stigma.It belongs to the 'I am a woman,hear me roar' category.


    I was also wondering about another kind of single motherhood that is quite popular in the west.Under decades of feminist influence,it seems the choice of single motherhood has become the bonafide 'right' of women.Jennifer Aniston was once on the cover of People magazine,and the headline was I dont need a man to be a mom.She also starred in a movie "Switch" which potrays children who were concieved by use of a sperm doner - a development that was hailed as 'empowering' for women.The message was that children of doner fathers turn out 'just fine' .So if you are a woman,single and forty,just order some sperm and life will be grand.An assertion that is both shortsighted and immature.

    We already portray an urban single mom as cool.Its only a matter of time before we take it to extremes.

    Susan,the diversity of topics you come up with is simply mind blowing:D

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    1. More than the woman, I guess its the media which loves doing this and then it becomes dear to the woman who also plays on it and the vicious circle keeps moving over and over.
      Single motherhood has also caught on here after Sushmitha Sen adopted a girl without getting married. I remember that I looked upon her with awe but the days are gone when women were genuinely intersted in being a single mom. Or, maybe I don't know what happens in a woman's mind when she wants to adopt a child without getting married. Call me conventional or old-fashioned, I just cannot imagine taking care of a baby and the various things associated with the baby.
      Thanks for your warm words of appreciation. They make my day :)

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  6. I think the terms 'single mom', 'stay at home dad',already rooted in our daily language, have emerged mainly out of those people's very practical need to get recognition of their difficult situation, and thus certain social benefits from the authorities.

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    1. DUTA, but here it is not as common. We have no separate tags for women and men who bring up children and that's why it baffles me.
      Social benefits from authorities can be obtained even without the kind of hype that is now being associated with that tag.

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  7. I admire single parents of both genders but I see your point. Being a single parent is not a profession it's a commitment. Someone cuts you check for your profession, not so in single parenting!

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    1. Even I admire and respect them for they are always battling against the odds to bring their kids up. But using that as a tag is something not quite welcome.

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  8. I really do get fed up of labels of any sort, Susan. Working mom, mompreneur (whatever that it!), single woman, stay-at-home Dad ...the list goes on. How we love to label, don't we?

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    1. Quite right, Corinne. Labels of any kind are just unwelcome.

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  9. I see your point. Everytime I have heard the term single mom, it has inspired respect in me for the person who hs stood up against all odds because the term "single mom" is also usually to denote a girl/woman who has had children out of wedlock - not necessarily divorced. And contrary to my feelings, the majority in society do not take that with appreciation, it's more derogatary. But I hear you here - derogatory or not why use that to label a person - then all the not single moms should also be called by their marital and child status!

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    1. You are making a vaild point here. My mom also brought us up single-handedly but not once she has used any label associated with her being single. She just carried on with life. I guess the media loves all this tagging and labelling. This media has caused so much furore in the smooth running of life :)

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  10. I get why people would use the term,but your post brought up so many interesting sides to the labeling of people and what we choose to call ourselves and why.

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  11. i hear you...and i actually have a lot of respect for those moms...they do not have it easy at all...def some food for thought here susan....

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    1. The way the single parents bring up their children is something worth admiring. Providing for and taking care of children is not an easy task.

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  12. You make a good point here Susan. I never considered it before. I know single moms have a rough time, but I get what you're saying about the labels.

    As always, you are stirring up stuff for the rest of us to ponder. And you do this so well.

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    1. Myrna, some topics which constantly stare at me in the face are dealt with in this sphere. Sometimes I don't know in which direction to think and so I write posts and want to see what my readers have to say. I'm glad that the topics make you ponder. Great ideas come after great pondering.
      Love to hear from you, as always :)

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  13. Dear Susan, a very interesting subject, although not much contemplated by me, as (until very recently) I have no experience in raising children.;) I believe that the term single mom is not as derogatory here in Scandinavia as maybe other places, where women are perfectly capable of having kids on their own - and they even do, many by choice through IVF. The state looks after a woman that is single with children and they get a lot of money in benefits, besides whatever the father has to pay if they are divorced.
    I think being a single mom in Denmark is definitely not something to much distinguished from being a single dad.;) Of course, the effects of living alone and missing that special someone to help raising ones children is a totally different subject and I guess the suffering, mental and emotional, is the same everywhere.
    xoxo

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    1. Zuzana, the problem I see is with the tag of a single mom that many women are comfortable using. What I don't understand is when they can use their profession as a label, why use their marital status.
      Thanks for coming by and sharing your insight, dear Zuzana. Much appreciated.

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  14. Attractive element of content. I simply stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to say that I get actually loved account your weblog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing in your augment or even I achievement you access persistently rapidly.
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    ReplyDelete
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    1. Welcome Love sms. Glad to have you here. Thanks for the subscription. Please do stop by whenever free and inclined.

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  15. Hmmm....intersting. I have heard that homemaker is a title. I will have to listen for the single mom tag. Our societies world wide seem to often ridicule the best way.

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    1. Hey GQ: How nice to have you stop by after a long time. Ah, GQ, look around and you will find aplenty. The media uses all these tags and is happy to label.

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  16. I have to admit I hate labels. The inevitable truth, though, is that they are everywhere. Whether the label is positive or negative, I feel it is still a label. And on the single mom topic, I feel it's not so much that we're raising single moms on a pedestal, as it is possibly an effort to allow for more compassion for what these ladies (and sometimes girls) must endure. Even in the most accepting/nonjudgmental of societies, judgment is always there, though never spoken. Along with the judgment that the term carries with it, there is perhaps some humanity that it invites, even if it is only from the minority of people. As for single dads, my hat is off to those who bear the brunt of raising a child all by themselves, regardless of their gender. One thing I keep in mind, though: Society is always quicker to pass judgment on the woman than on the man, even when that society claims respect for women's rights, etc. My two cents, at any rate.

    Wishing you a glorious weekend!

    Nevine

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    1. Dear Nevine:

      How wonderful it is to see you after a long time. As always, you make a good point and always help me to see beyond my thoughts. The "humanity" angle is something I overlooked. Thanks Nevine for this thought.

      I wish you a lovely weekend as well filled with calm and joy.

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  17. Same page, Mrs Sus. Single Mom is not what she does; it's what she is. As an English teacher, I was at least gunning for parallelism. :)

    In my country, we use the term to refer to either separated or unmarried women who have children, not widows and divorced women (because there's no divorce in my country). You're right, I think the media romanticizes it, with famous celebrities acting as poster girls. Some of my female friends don't even want to get married anymore, just have kids (they treat men as sperm donors rather than partners). It's one of the ways that society is changing.

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