Since the time I have started working, my
husband and I have made some adjustments to our roles and
responsibilities. One of them is cooking - while I prepare the
breakfasts and dinners, my husband takes care of the lunches. These
changes are made to suit our timings and availabilities. Since he
remains at home during mid-morning and early afternoon, it is easier for
him to prepare lunches.
But alas, these changes are almost attributed to the
man being considerate and extra loving towards the wife, which I won't
deny but the vital point is being narrowly missed. The point that
cooking and cleaning is the sole domain of the woman and anything that
is beyond those parameters is seen as a stroke of luck. WHY? Generations
of cooking and cleaning has rendered the act of cooking and cleaning as
the woman's work. And if the man assists in the kitchen or doing the
laundry, the message sent is that he is being thoughtful and
considerate.
Everyday at my workplace, my husband gets admiring phrases and
loving vibes when I mention that he prepares the lunch. Women who are
fiercely independent with their own salaries and strong opinions also
tend to believe that cooking and cleaning is a woman's work and if she
gets any help from her husband, then the wife is a lucky person.
Nothing has changed. It will take atleast a 100 years to
change the mindset. The actions, roles and responsibilities might have
changed but the fact that certain jobs are for certain genders has not
changed. And, this is not something in India alone. When I read some
posts/articles/essays, the author who is a woman credits her husband for
being a darling, sweetheart and understanding husband/boyfriend simply
because he takes care of the laundry and does the dishes.
I know that I am writing about something that has been done
and dusted atleast a few million times and inspite of that I am
confounded by the fact that nothing has changed. Feminism exists and
most urban women are aware of it - either through first-hand or
second-hand experience AND all these theories of women empowerment has
not stopped women from thanking and praising the men to the skies when
it comes to doing household work. Women still think that cooking and
cleaning is their job and if anyone offers to relieve them from that,
then it is an act which deserves praise and glorification.
And only men (some, atleast) can say that cleaning vessels is therapeutic. Ask that to a woman and she would show how actions speak (and cause immense pain) louder than words.
A long way to go . . .
