Thursday 11 November 2010

I continue to surprise myself

Sometimes when I stumble me doing something that I never imagined to do, I am quite perplexed. Is it me? Can I do something like that? Well, I wonder when this element of surprise will cease confronting me. Every time I think I know that I will never do that, I prove myself wrong. This state has two sides to it: One, I discover myself each time I stumble upon something new and Two, I am proved wrong in my judgment of ME.

This element of surprise, er, sometimes shock, confuses me. Most of the times the discoveries aren't very pleasant. The very same qualities I would have detested in someone else surfaces in me and my thoughts immediately run to that person. I feel sorry for having judged X on an earlier occasion. Now this puts me into another dilemma. The dilemma of acceptance. If I find a flaw in me that I resented in another, would that mean I have to accept the other person now? But that trait in X was different, I try to justify. I wonder.

Maybe Susan Sontag was right when she said: "The Self is a Project -- Something to be Built." But for how long should I work?

I know all of you face this. How do you resolve this issue?


  1. Susan, the work is never ending. The sages say we are all One but it's hard to be conscious of that. So, we judge not just others but ourselves.

    It's nice that you exercise such introspection, and are so honest about it.

  2. Love this post, dear Susan.
    I have recently embarked on a road of wild adventures, doing things I never ever thought I would. I knew they were out there, yet I did them, almost watching myself doing them and not caring. Were they wrong? Perhaps.
    I have learned not to judge people on single events of their actions as who knows what my actions would have been.I think we never really know what we will do in any given situation until we are in it. What we do then might define who we are, but it might also just be another piece in the creation of us. We are never a finished product; we evolve and change and so does our ideals and our values. That is the only way to grow and to achieve insight into life.;)

  3. Does that shoe we do notknow ourselves that well!!

    And without knowing that we judge others.

    I remember a person who used to stick his toungue out unconciously when thinking. I used to detest that
    Later I found myself doing the same I guess when we notice some characterestic it gets embedded in our system even if we donot like it to!

  4. Still learning to take people as they are while overlooking their flaws...because most times what we complain of in others, also resides within us at some point.
    Good post, and all the best on your journey of self discovery!

  5. thought does challenge us to look at ourselves...i guess one thing we have to ask is have we compromised ourself and out belief system...the othr is why did we judge the other...i try to temper that in myself daily....

  6. My experience is that it is never fully resolved. But the recognition and 'acceptance' of non-resolution is what makes us healthier in ourselves, perhaps. It's never resolved because it is part of one's life journey and each person would look for resolution in a variety of ways. Again, in my experience, the search for a resolution is not always a conscious process. Though it is perhaps an easier journey where it is a conscious process.

  7. Susan.... I am an ongoing project! There are days when I like the outcome and then there those days that I try to erase for ever.... not possible so I just build on that..How long am I going to build idea at all as that is not in my hands but I do what I can so that I like what I am building!

  8. Happens to all of us, doesn't it! I try not to be too judgemental of others (The song 'Before you accuse someone, take a look at yourself' rings in my ears). And when I catch myself doing something I detest in someone else, I become conscious and try not to repeat it ever!

  9. There is no end. It is nothing to be worried about. Actually it is wonderful as long as you can surprise yourself.

    The feeling bad and judging and changing judgments... that where there is all the learning.

    If you look at it that way.. there is nothing negative in such moments.

  10. we do see things in other people that we do like or dislike in ourselves. it's all part of the learning process and we are forever learning. I think we have to give the same regard to other people as we do ourselves. be more understanding and accepting.

    thank you for your thought provoking post

  11. I think it's important to realize that we are all just people, and people are flawed. I think we all can see the error of someone else's ways, but have a more difficult time with our own short comings. Don't judge yourself too harshly!

  12. As one grows older, they realise that judging others is not an easy task, because the same yard stick applies to us.
    That is why they say that the old are wise.

  13. Not judging is so difficult... I guess it can only stop when we stop judging ourselves. Ass simple and difficult as that.

  14. Your post reminded me of when Jesus said, "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
    But your question how do I handle it? Mostly I stay in denial about how bad my own attitudes and behavoir is. If I look at others short commings I don't have to look at mine.

  15. Sorry I meant 'as' ha ha haaa
    Now don't go judging me because I wrote 'ass' in your comment oh my !

    It was a mistake-which gives me the chance to add, you see how easy it is to make mistakes, and eventually be judged and sometimes never be forgiven for them
    (But I know you will forgive my little ass and laugh with me...) Amazing miracles of life...

    Hugs sweet Susan

  16. great question, no answer. Not from me.
    I guess it is a good thing that we can at the very least realized we are doing something we critized in somebody else. That is awareness that allows growth or at least I hope something good can come out of that.
    This post got me thinking..I have found myself there many times.

  17. This issue, my dear Susan, is not to be resolved. If it were resolved, how boring would life be? How suffering the human condition? I mean, we are truly a work in progress... always evolving... changing as the wind blows. Every time we think we've got ourselves set in stone, something must happen to remind us that, "Self... don't go thinking I'm finished with you." Somewhere in our minds, we have a prototype of how we picture ourselves to be. But we are not a statue that is being carved out of marble or bronze. And so, the prototype is never satisfied.

    I like the fact that we are ever evolving. I like that we change... because we must. I like that sometimes we find flaws in ourselves we thought we hated in another. Somehow, all of this keeps us human. It reminds us of our fallibility... and our mortality.

    What an inspiring post, my dear!

    Immense hugs,

  18. Well, Susan dearest.. that only reminds us that we are all just fallible mortals, and we are all very similar even though we aren't.

    Perhaps, that continues to boggles our mind so that we will continue to learn to accept the faults of others whime improving ourselves continually.


  19. On others if there is even a small smudge
    we are never too late to judge
    but when we go over the edge
    we don't as much as budge or at best fudge.

    It is a great learning not to be judgemental.It is easy really. We are critical of people we don't like. The trick is to love all.

  20. You are a very sensitive person being surprised/shocked/confused by such things.

    We are human, and so we err. We misunderstand at times both ourselves and others. but we also learn a lot from these misunderstandings, and this helps us go on with Life.

  21. True, we do not live up to our own judgmental standards sometimes... how can we expect others to live upto it.

  22. thank you for this post Susan...I am faced with this as well. Although, introspection does help, but these dilemmas you have mentioned in the post make it tougher. What I do usually is accept it all and try really hard, to not be judgemental ( its not foolproof, I admit :P) but it does help me be at peace with myself and concentrate on improving myself, my attitude, and reactions.
    However reading your thoughts and all the comments here, I can take heart that we all are faced with such situations at some point in time. The best part is everyone's honest endeavdour to work towards facing it and dealing with it...Cheers to the human spirit :)
    lots and lots of love and hugs

  23. Myrna:

    I have figured that from the comments here, dear Myrna. Meanderings and reflections keep me alive and kicking.


    With age so many introspection happens and baffle us. You have rightly mentioned that these thoughts help us to grow and achieve insight.

  24. John:

    Fruit for thought. Jung said this long time ago.


    The journey seems everlasting. Thanks for swinging by.

  25. Brian:

    A great challenge indeed but with practice, it becomes an everyday process. Sometimes I find it so difficult to accept the ME.


    Thanks for the insights you have given me. I am glad that there are many who observe the journey within. Happy to see you again :)

  26. Savira:

    Same with me as well! I don't actually know whether I am liking it but I am enjoying it :) Confusing, ah? For me as well.


    Glad to see you after some time. I repeat it over and over, shamelessly :) Still a long way to go . . .

  27. Sameera:

    Ah. You are a comfort :)


    I am forever learning but sometimes the ME never ceases to make me wonder and feel: "Is this me?"

  28. Linda:

    Advice taken. You're a darling :)


    Old are wise . . .

  29. Dulce:

    Ah! The parameters are so steep :) Big hugs and much love, dearest Dulce.


    How can one be in denial of one's self?


    Love your entire self, Dulce and not your ass alone!

  30. Myriam:

    I find myself in that place almost every single time.


    You are quite true about the prototype. I think I imagine myself to se this, this, this but when that does not happen, it gives rise to a situation like the one in the post. I also like the fact that I am ever evolving but sometimes the negatives score a bit too much and that baffles my sensibilities.
    Hope you are having a good and restful weekend, dearest Nevine. And immense hugs back to you from India.

  31. Silver:

    Oh, yes. Improving . . . failing . . . improving.


    Love all? Oh, yes. Better said than done.

  32. DUTA:

    Learning and trying to improve: This seems a constant process :)


    Absolutely :)

  33. Ruchi:

    We are all learning, relearning and unlearning all the time. Who says life is boring? It is a full-time business.

    Hope your weekend is rolling well and happy.

    Big hugs and much love :)

  34. By writing blog and asking my blog buddies. :D

  35. CS:

    That is what I have done. Have a good Sunday :)



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