Wednesday, 28 March 2012

When the favourite commenter goes missing

An invisible bond is forged between a blogger and her/his commenter. When a commenter consistently comments on successive posts and is passionalte about writing what she/he feels after reading a post, there is an organic thread that unites thoughts and observations of the blogger and commenter. From the time I began my journey as a blogger, there have been many such commenters who have forged a strong connectivity with me through my posts.

But the fact is that every commenter has his/her own time in a blog. Some are there for a year, some for six months, some on and off and some only for a month or so. Whatever the duration, after commenting regularly for about a month or so, I unconsciously start looking forward to that regular commenter. It somehow seems my post is incomplete without that commenter's comment on my post. During the initial years of my blogging, I tended to crave . . . literally crave for the regular commenter's comments. I would even get a bit restless if I found that the regular commenter hasn't commented. I wait patiently till the commenter comes along and only after that I would proceed to do another post. I am still like that but have toned down immsensely.



I guess the regular commenter is not the one who just passes by leaving a mundane, 'good post' comment. The regular commenters who I wait for are the ones who comment with their soul. They are passionate about what they feel and their comments reverbrate that intensity. Such commenters also make me raise my standards of commenting. I should say that a comment is definitely something that lights one up and gives a purpose for blogging.

All seems fine until  the day the regular commenter stops commenting. I just cannot imagine why the commenter stops visiting. The reasons for the commenter to leave are many. This is the time when I say to myself: Don't get emotional over commenters. But why shouldn't I? I am emotionally connected to my blog and why not to the readers/commenters? But experience tells me that commenters come and go and I should not get touchy with the commenting part of blogging. The bond that I develop with the regular and intelligent commenter sometimes even goes beyond the space of blogging. I have exchanged emails, chats and stories with those commenters.

Now, this post is a tribute to all those regular commenters who were an active part of my blog in the timeline of my blogging. I miss them and continue to think of them when I write my soulful posts and also when I write soulfully. In the present time, I raise a toast to my present bunch of regular commenters . . . I shall enjoy your presence and comments till it lasts.

Image: Internet

72 comments:

  1. My God. Only you can write such posts Susan :-)
    I completely agree with your thoughts. When people regularly visit our blog and give us their feedback and all of a sudden they stop visiting (due to some reasons which we can't probably comprehend) we tend to wait for their comments. Initially when I started blogging, I had a few regular readers, and as you said, it is their comments which makes the article Complete! :-)

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    1. Smiles.
      I used to wait and still wait form some prized commeenters. I know they are far away from the world of blogs and commenting. I miss them.

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  2. A great post...I have enjoyed reading almost all of your blog posts, but this one really made me stop and comment! I hope to build a bond of a blogger-commenter from this post onwards and let's see how long it continues ;-)

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    1. Thanks Gayathri. A compliment from a friend who has known you for many years is something quite wonderful I'm glad that you blog as well. Looking forward to reading more posts from you.

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  3. So true Susan...when I started blogging, I would always looked forward to the comments from my friends, friends from real life. As my online friends took over, the real friends disappeared. It sort of filled a vacuum. Now, I do look forward to the comments from my regular readers, their comments matter most to me. They are non-judgmental, they are appreciative and some times it is them who inspire you and bring out the best in you.

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    1. Our commenters are our greatest inspirations - quite right, Janu and now you have also become one of my regular commenters. I invariably end up looking for you when I complete a post and put it up. Thanks for being there, Janu.

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  4. hi susan,

    i feel you, it is nice when people actually comment.
    i love comments and always take the time to reply to each and everyone of them.


    sometimes lack of time is the problem rather than lack of interest. trust me!

    i love your blog!

    ...and thank you so much for your kind words and get well wishes for my sister.
    it is much appreciated! thank you for your friendship.

    big hugs!

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    1. I know. Lack of time is an issue that many bloggers face. Somehow when we started blogging, it seemed we had so much time but now everything is changed. In spite of all that, I'm glad that you drop by now and then dear Betty.

      Big hugs back at you and have a good remainder of the week.

      :)

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  5. I think one of the strongest fears that haunt us is this insecurity of having readers, sometimes a particular person, that we feel may have gotten over or overgrown us.

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    1. Hmmmm. You seem to be always peeling the layers off. Too much pycho-analysis is not recommended, Suraj.

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  6. I have seen a similar post from you long time back. Infact I think twice to comment on ur wall after that though I am a regular visitor .. But now I feel I should strat posting comments again !
    whether you consider my comment to be sincere or not your writting is amazing. i mean you can write even on vacuum and make us readers feel like we are in an adventurous ride !!

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    1. I remember seeing your comment then, Tara. Thanks for remembering and stopping to write a comment.
      As for sincerity, please don't bother. I appreciate the fact that you have stopped to write down honest thoughts so please don't think twice.

      BTW, my husband is also from Kerala.

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  7. :) lovely. I must say that I think the same too that all those who come to read the blog, should make an effort to comment , whatever it is . It feel good to read a comment.

    I have found that even blogosphere is becoming political most people feel that you comment on mine I will comment on yours..

    anyway that has not stopped me , Although I do feel when people dont leave a comment on what i write but then thats their wish , I make it a point that when i go and read a article I do write something .. As you have said the two words one are very regular everywhere...

    Take care and ahppy blogging

    Bikram's

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    1. Bikram, I hardly comment at your place. Guilty. Thanks for being you dear Bikram. Thanks also for making it a point to drop by my place. Your comments make me happy.

      Joy always :)

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  8. Ganesh Puttu:

    Now this begs the question- whether blogging is for mental catharsis or is it a performance art? I personally have gone both ways alternating between writing for readers and writing for myself- and thats when the presence or absence of regular commenters kicks in. I agree that we look forward to the comments not only to feel that someone else feels the exact same way we felt or looks at the universe the way we do and tgen there is a connection- and we are no longer a lonely writer plugging away in anonymity. That sense of connection with society is what blogging is mostly about i guess- to find like minds- and thats confirmed by the comments....

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    1. A nice way of seeing blogging, Doktor - as a connection with society. I also have thought about this many times, afterall we are social beings and that quality translates into blogosphere as well.

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  9. I think i've definetely returned to an apt post, and one that has been an issue going around in every bloggers head at one point or other. I know i once upon a time would get concerned if i noticed a regular commentator disappearing, and would begin questioning myself to as why. But as a blogger you can be driven mad by whose leaving comments, whose not, as well as your stats, with things like traffic, and all those wonderful things we check on. What i've come to learn is that ilove blogging, i know that people benefit from what i write, and to accept what is. And deborah you're a great blogger, your writing always gets your reader to think and definetely reflect, so you do exactly what you promise on the cover, don't let comments be something that concerns you. But i promise i'll visit more regularly... cos i have missed reading you.

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    1. Return of the native, LL! Happy to welcome you with this post, Larry. You were missed and I bet you didn't know that.
      Thanks for your very kind words, Larry. You have made me smile. And, I hope to see you around every time I post.

      Joy always :)

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  10. I love you and Meanderings Susan Deborah! And am sincerely touched after reading this post because I think I fall in this category.Darn my inertia I have not been commenting on the posts (despite reading them regularly) instead making up for it in the seldom Facebook likes. :(
    But as you have so beautifully captured in this post, there is an invisible bond formed between the writer and the com mentors that just gets stronger. You are one amongst those special and dear friends I have found through blogosphere, for which I am thankful. So comments or no comments, I just want to let you know that I do look forward to your posts and enjoy reading them immensely, always. Most of the time they prod me to think deeper, different and of course learn.
    Please Keep writing and sharing.
    Big hugs and *SMILES*
    Have a great week ahead
    :)

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    1. I do miss your honest and fresh comments exceedingly, Ruchi and you know that. It has been a long time and I wodner if I had written this post earlier, I would've gotten you to come here. I know that time is scarce but I am thankful for the thoughtfulness that you had in come over and dropping your insights today. Thanks Ruchi.
      I shall always keep writing and smiling. I wish the same back to you.

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  11. So well said Susan! and so honest. I love that about you. You show your vulnerability and therefore your strength. I feel the same way. My friends from my physical world don't comment although they read and I wish they would comment. It's easy to get obsessed with the need to see the comments and stats etc because we're putting our hearts and soul out there for people to see. If one person who usually comments, stops.. there seems to be a void and those questions, " am I growing boring? redundant? did I offend?" It takes guts to blog in my opinion and it can be hard on the ego as much as it can be uplifting and fulfilling.I just wanted you to know that I do hear you and I do read you even when I am wordless but I will comment more because it does do the writer an honour. xo

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    1. You have written the unwritten things that were looming large in my head as I was writing this post.
      In spite of being wordless, I appreciate your presence here today, Glynis. I know that even I'm guilty of not writing comments but then like everyone else, I have time issues.
      Thanks for coming by and writing your honest insights, dear glynis. It is much appreciated.

      Lots of love and hugs.

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  12. i feel you in this...first...i would rather have a commenter that comments from the heart than a 'good post' any day...i would rather know how it affected you or what it made you think...second...this is timely, i was rather down about this just last night...i have been at this for a while...3.5 years...and i have seen people come and go...even had a few blog friends that died and it affected me emotionally. something i never would have thought. here recently several of the old blog friends are disappearing and it was frustrating...but i guess you are right...there are a few though. i am driving to NYC tonight to visit with a few blog friends. so yes there are a few...

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    1. You always seem to be visiting fellow bloggers. You must be quite managing your time effectively. i need to learn many things from you, Brian.

      Thanks for hanging around!!!

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  13. you want from your commenters what you offer in your own comments. We usually place expectations on others that mirror what we do or would like to do.
    We do form a bond with those we read us and those we read. Writing, in whatever form, is an expression of our soul and what a better part of a person to get acquainted with than the soul

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    1. Yes, Myriam, you echo my thoughts. And definitely writing is the expression of the soul and those who connect to the posts are in fact reaching to the soul of the writer.

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  14. I love the blogging world for all the surprises it gives and for the forgiving nature of most bloggers. I know I have failed some people in the commenting department. Sometimes I miss a regular, but I either check in with them via e-mail or I just know that they'll come back when they are ready.

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    1. I love the blogging world too but sometimes I do expect a lot which is not quite good. Glad that you're thoughtful like that, Betty.

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  15. I hear you, Susan! I, too, have regular commenters with whom I feel a very strong bond. When I don't see them there regularly, I always wonder what is going on in their lives today.
    Truly, the friendships made through blogging and exchanging comments are like no other. I treasure mine as you do yours.
    Blessings to you and thanks for a marvelous post!

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    1. Thanks for your warm words, dear Martha. I guess all of us think along the lines of this post.
      Blessings and joy to as well.

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  16. Ya know, Susan, I've not been here for a few weeks...got on FB, and forget sometimes--esp with Peeps who are on both--whether we have communicated or not. Also, just TOO MANY "friends". (Not the kind you reference!)

    SO I looked at names of your commenters here, and only TWO out of NINE with which I am familiar. WOW! has it been THAT long.

    When i experience what you are saying, I just go out to gather a couple more 'follow Peeps'...and that only adds to the list, creating a burden, rather than a fun hobby.

    All that said--I have MISSED YOU! Here and elsewhere. So know that love of friends (you and I, e.g.)CAN survive distances in kilometers AND time, and regularity!

    I DO still love the way in which you speak your mind, truly, honestly, fearlessly, and whether popularly or not!
    love, PEACE! And BLESSINGS, Susan! :-)

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    1. Even I think of that, Steve. I look around and see in my comments' section many new regulars. There was a time when you, Dulce and Nevine were regulars but time has passed on. We have had a long time connection, Steve and I cherish you and your comments.
      Having said that, I know that I am not as regular as I want to be in your place.
      All said and done, I'm glad that we are still in touch with each other. What more do we need?

      A big hug to you across ether, dear Steve.

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  17. WOW Susan you said this so perfectly.....I miss some of my regular commenters also and I wonder what happened...was it me...was it life got in the way....did my posts change etc... I have because of my blog made great friends and grew relationships..with an amazing amount of support, love and encouragement...stuff I have no found in life around me....I still look forward to those commenters and the new people that bless my blog..I am so grateful to all who have visited and loved on me......As always...XOXOXOXO

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    1. Many things change and we seldom know the answers. Like you, even I look forward to those commenters. I wonder if they will ever come.
      xoxoxo

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  18. Wondering if you missed me here Susan! ;)

    I know, I know I look forward for those regular commenters too!

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    1. You were one of my earliest commenters Sam. I always look forward to reading your insightful comments which are quite rare these days but still I treasure the friendship we have made.

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  19. I make my presence felt again :) couldn't resist but comment at this one..

    Hugs and love
    Ashes

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  20. In addition, it is indeed lovely to see that comment you are waiting for... the just right note that touched the few :) :) Wonder what happened to that someone known only through this four lines of the comment space... a bond is forged :)

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    1. Ashes, cannot be better than what you have said. And what a bond is that!!! I still remember the first time . . .

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  21. Susan Deborah...I will always be around, maybe not as much as I would like to be, but I will be here :) Sometimes, I wish I could go back to when I first started and had all the time in the world to do nothing but read and comment. I remember some calling me on the 'length' of my comments. I hope that you don't ever give up on me...I'll be peeking in every now and again.

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    1. Glad that you will be around, Mary. Ah, how I wish that I coulod go back to those days! Sigh. Well, lets rock on as writers and commenters!

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    2. 'Rockin on' right along with you Susan Deborah!

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  22. These are such lovely thoughts, Susan. I think I've actually had such commenters myself who've turned into friends in the virtual and the real worlds.

    I must say you're one of mine. :) So I must thank you as well! Thank you for all the thoughts you shared with me, all the appreciation you gave my posts, all the times you've tagged me in your notes and showed me those lovely quotes and thank you for writing those comments that made my mum smile and say she was so happy I had made so many friends just with the writing that came from my heart and mind.

    For all those times, thank you! :) I shall always be grateful that I found you all those years (yes, it's been years!) ago. And haven't we grown up together in that time?

    I've read so many beautiful posts on your blog, Susan. And even though I've never actually met you, I think I know you rather well. You have a truly beautiful mind, my dear friend! :)

    Another of my favourite posts here!

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    1. Ah, Karishma, you make me swell with joy and I can no longer hold it. You make me feel so honoured and preciouss . . . my precioussss. Yes, Karishma, it has been three years or so.
      I guess its high time we should plan a meeting soon.

      Thanks for always coming by and enlivening my posts with your honest and true comments, dear Karishma. I will always cherish you and your comments.

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  23. I can completely relate to this post. I've been missing several people lately, despite having some new fun commenters. It is hard for me when someone who has commented regularly disappears. We all need a little comment love. :) xo

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    1. Yes, the commenters who used to comment regularly are always missed. You're right when you say that we all need a little comment love :)

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  24. In a way, regular commenters become like real friends, and maybe even more in some ways because they could see something that other friends can't. They see our heart, and they bless us with their own. Thanks for blessing our hearts today, Susan. ;)

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    1. Welcome Joyce to the Meanderings. You are right when you say that there begins a relationship of friendship with our regular commenters.
      You have so nicely expressed th exchange of thoughts and love between bloggers and commenters.
      Thanks for coming by, dear Joyce.

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  25. nice post :)
    (from one of your mundane commentators ;) )

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    1. Mohit: Every commenter is valuable, mundane or not-so-mundane.

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  26. so true Susan,
    I think every blogger likes to know that there's someone using what he/she is writing and it sure inspires him to work on the next post. I also think that not only does a writer wait for a commenter(reader); a commenter also waiits to read a post from a good writer-a kinda two-way relationship. Nice work, as always!!!

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    1. Yes, Sunny, only comments prove that the connection is two-way other wise one feels that one is writing in vaccum.
      Thanks for coming by dear Sunny.

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  27. Dear Susan,

    Blogging can be overwhelming and I for one is only a "seasoned blogger." I don't make blogging my life just as facebooking or anything on any of my internet activity. My reason, I am here is only to enjoy my time at my own leisure. Unlike you whose post is truly equal to that of a qualified professional journalist level, it is just comprehensible that you feel the way you do.

    My being a seasonal blogger is also concomitant to my being a "seasoned commenter." Like a drift wood floating on the sea of uncertainty, I come and go. I lurk, read and slip away oftentimes unseen and unnoticed.

    However, in my heart there remains my high and deep respect to you as a person foremost, then to your intelligence, wisdom and knowledge of expertise about most things you are doing.

    So today, I am here to drop you a piece of my nonchalant droppings.

    Kudos Susan! You are one great blogger in blogosphere!

    Your facebook friend!

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    1. Ah, Leah how poetically you have written this comment. i read and reread the same many times. I'm glad that you have come here today and I am happy about that.
      Don't you worry, Leah, we are all seasonal time to time.

      Thanks for your warm words . . . they've left me glowing.

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  28. I agree with you Susan. Commenters are soooo important to blogging. I validates and affirms that we wrote something worth reading. And definitely, some commenters become good friends.

    Of course I cant't commit to forever. But I know as long as I can, I'll be commenting on your lovely thoughts.

    (By the way, thank you for your supportive comment on my recent post. It means a lot.)

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    1. Myrna and you one such special commenter who is invaluable to me. I realise that you have time constraints but please don't worry Myrna. We are there and you can visit us any time.

      Thanks for your wonderful words, Myrna.

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  29. Hi Susan .. Blogger has been a pain and I haven't been able to comment on embedded comment boxes - if I change to an IE plugin in Chrome - then I can ..

    If I lose someone - I occasionally email, just to check they're ok ..

    Life is life .. cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary, I am so very glad that finally you were able to comment. I was quite distraught thinking that you weren't able to leave a comment on my page. I value your comments and wouldn't want to lose them :)
      Thanks Hilary for being around. Much appreciated.

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  30. Hey, great post. Point well made, while making the reader think at the same time!! Have a great day!!

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    1. Thanks friend. Glad that you liked this post.
      You have a wonderful week ahead :)

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  31. Susan, I may not stop by enough as I use to, but that invisible thread pulls me back to all my dear friends whom I have connected with through blogger and I do so look forward to reading yours and everyone's posts. I love hearing from them too with their kind comments. I totally relate to your post as I feel the same way and I too struggle with not getting too caught up in responses or lack of. I am happy to have made our connection here and on FB and will no doubt be back from time to time to say hello! Have a wonderful day.

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    1. Indeed it has been a long time, Cole and I'm so happy that this post brought you here :) Time is the greatest concern, I know. Sometimes it's impossible to keep track of all our blogger friends' posts and I guess the same situation exists on the other side as well.
      You have a good remainder of the week, Cole.

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  32. Don't you worry OK?
    I will peep in now and then and drop in my comments OK?
    Happy ?

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    1. Thanks a lot, Joe. I thought you had left (sniffles). Now that you assure me, I am happy and joyous.

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  33. Jayashri Keshavachari

    Mannu loves the image on your blog and thinks it's some kind of toy set and asks me to buy it every time she sees it :) far as the blog goes, I write for myself and don't have a large following....do miss your regular comments though :P

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    1. J:

      Mannu is quite visual I reckon. I hope there is really a toy to appease her!

      I miss reading your blog posts as well. I cannot locate the tumbler address :(

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  34. I'm touched by the honesty of this post, Mrs Sus. Most bloggers don't really admit to feeling emotionally connected to their blogs and readers. But you know what, we pour our heart and soul to our blogs...that should account for some degree of emotional connection!

    Also, your post highlights the fluid aspect of blogging and of online communication in general. Readers/commenters come and go, I realized. I think we become commenters when we share the same journey as another blogger. Sometimes we're on the same road for quite some time, other times perhaps it's just on that one post. I used to feel the way you do - disappointed at the very least, or even rejected. But now I just hope that I find myself on the same road again as that "missing" commenter. It's pretty much like our friends outside of the virtual world. Some we meet and talk with more often than others, but the love and respect for all of them may be the same.

    Anyway, I'm get long-winded again. Ugh! Thanks for a truly reflective post. It got me meta-commenting. :)

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    1. It was something from the heart, Age and glad that you appreciate it. Sometimes when I think about my earlier years in blogging, I miss those who were regular commenters then. Wonder where they are and what are they doing.
      This post was also intended as a tribute to all those missing commenters. I remember each of them by name but have not mentioned them here.

      Thanks for teh long-winded comment Age. Long comments make me happy and leave me smiling. And, thanks for the time spent here.

      Joy always :)

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  35. Ah!would all of them commenters gone hiding?
    Not really, when they are ready to do your biding
    Maybe all they need is a little bit of chiding
    for them to come back gliding. :)

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    1. Wow! Whatte verse, PRG!
      I guess this post was meant to be chiding albeit subtly.

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