Thursday, 30 April 2009

The last day of the month

The last day of every month fills me with a sense of wonder at the bygone month and subsequently the months passed by. While passing the last day of each month, I look back and think whether the bygone month has made me any better than what I was, whether it has taught me things that I have failed to unravel before, whether I am loving someone less and whether I am loving someone more without that person even having a faint notion of my love. Well, one always tends to focus on the many things that could have been or could have been avoided. My list of things that could have been avoided always exceeds the list where I think that I have been right.

Coming to the things that could have been avoided, are aspects of time, which could have been utilised carefully, phone calls which I could have done without, tears which have been wasted over hopeless things/people, thoughts which have been eating into me (I perfectly understand that I could have mastered these thoughts but then . . .), impulsive text messages which never did what they had to do, repeated conversations which never yielded what I needed, et al.

Along with these are also various lovely moments, hours, days spent with the contented feeling of warmth, fulfilment and love. Examples are again as follows: unexpected phone calls which spelt out a lovely bonding, my dance lessons which fill my being with energy and liberation, sermons in the church every Sunday which enable me to delve deeper into the truths in the word, text messages which evoke love, respect and memories, blogging for me and myself, friends who never seem to tire listening, strangers who smile with great joy et al.

Well, every month is a step forward and backword. Every month has its fair share of joy, sorrows, love, hate, bonding, detaching and many other aspects. One thing: I am glad to have had another month to my existence and as always looking forward to another month with its share of lovely things and not-so-lovely things.

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